Why does my ex keep disappearing mysteriously?

OK I know that sounds obvious but we broke up a few years ago. When we "broke up" it was really just 2 days after we had last woke up together and he left. The next day, I called him and he had to go abruptly after talking for about 30 minutes. I didn't hear from him at all the entire weekend. Two weeks later...I find out he got married that Saturday! Of course I was upset. So I ran into him last year and we started to communicate. He holds back things--says he's happily married and very happy, until out of the blue he blurts out that he is not that happy or he would not be communicating with me. But as I probe farther, he shuts down and just talks jokingly about my life, my travels, etc. to the point of annoyance because I cannot get any real sense of closure from this guy. Finally I see him and he tries to get me to have sex with him. He is all over me literally. Anyway about a month after that incident, he decides that he doesn't want to talk to me any longer out of the blue of course. He abruptly says "have a nice life" because I couldn't reply to an email as quickly as he wanted.

I was busy having a nice life when wham, he contacts me again. We talk and go along okay until out of the blue, again, he says I cannot do this to my wife (of course after I had turned him down again for sex that he was killing himself to get from me). So I say are you sure and got no answer. (this was by email how we usually talk). I don't contact him anymore. Then, out of the blue, again, he contacts me saying happy birthday and he couldn't help but contact me. I was on vacation so I didn't get it. There were a total of 4 messages really trying to get me to answer. So finally when I returned, I answered. We talk again and I tell him he must explain himself. He says he doesn't cheat and he was thinking about me so much that it seemed easier to just cut all contact. I told him if we are talking then lets talk but not to do that to me anymore because its hurtful. His reply was he was sorry and he was wrong. He also said he should have explained himself.

We go along about 2 months and he started getting a bit curt. Just slightly like snide remarks and things like that, or joking about a trip to Italy I took. They were not anything big just a bit irritating to me. Anyway out of the blue again, you guessed it...wham, He 's gone again. This time he didn't say anything. He just abruptly stopped answering my emails.

My question is why would someone do this? It's easy to say he only wanted sex. But I think it's more than that because he would always say he couldn't stop thinking of me and he loved talking to me. But it could have been just the sex. Oh by the way, our sex was mind blowing. The kind that makes you want to faint.

I need some good advice and just a good push to put this behind me. I wanted closure but I just got more of the same abandonment as when he first left. Help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • It seems you are only good enough to contact when HE wants to talk "out of the blue" Its time you stopped answering his e-mails all together. He did tell you to have a nice life. So follow his advise and do just that...without him. You'll probably be better off.

    And you can get mind blowing sex elsewhere, you just need to find the right guy.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • End this.

    It's clearly not bringing out his best side, and for whatever reason, he can't seem to think clearly about you. You're going to have to firmly put him out of your life until the fog lifts from his mind.

  • I only read the title... he's your ex get over it loool


What Girls Said 2

  • ha ha ha girl I know how you feel trust me its like me and my ex we been broken up for a year but we was still hanging out and talking that whole year and now he isn't talking to me we had sex and it was like wow I don't know if it was just they sex or not be cause he said he still loved me and cared but we females think like how do you care when you walk out and don't look back only when you want sex but the thing is even doe you are trying to understand it and you probably never will just think bout the good time and just know that he probably did love you still but he probably thought the reason yal broke up would pull yal apart again

    • Thanks. It's nice to know someone understands.

    • yeah I do specially when you said you so sick of hearing people say move on its no so easy when you love that person

  • He is such a player. He's married and yet still trying to hook up with you? I feel bad for you and for his wife, and especially that you were with him before you knew he had already been married. You should just stop contacting him. Let him send as many emails as he wants, when he gets no replies he will give up and stop bugging you. Ultimately all he wants is sex from you, as you mentioned that it was 'mind-blowing'... maybe his wife doesn't satisfy him enough and he remembers you. Which is why he tries to contact you to fulfill his physical desires.

    Don't get involved with him in any way, because at the end, everyone will point fingers at you. He has a wife, right, so "why would he possibly seek out another woman"... everyone will say that you're the one who seduced him, or he was drunk, etc. Better not to get yourself in this mess. Spare yourself all the drama lol

    • Thank you and you are right all the way.

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