When your relationship is going well, do you invent problems from nothing?

Might seem bizarre, but if everything is going well... I've known people to start worrying over absolutely strange things that are clearly not true. And I've found myself doing the same.

I'm used to having issues in my relationships, and I guess that when it's going well I can't really believe it so my mind will make me somewhat paranoid that something should be wrong and perhaps I don't know about it. I find myself worrying that my other half was cheating or that she was getting bored of me, when really that just wasn't happening.

Do you find yourself doing this?

Do we create problems to keep ourselves interested in our relationship? Can we not accept that everything can actually go well and just have to worry anyway?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • OMG! That's exactly what I do. I thought of writing such question but knew people wouldn't understand me. I'm not insecure or needy or clingy though. I don't ask where were you? whom you talk to? etc... but If he's distant a little bit I panick or I just miss the love! I have no idea.

    If things were peaceful for long, I feel smth isn't right so I believe I come up with questions or inquiries about smth.

    Maybe we get bored easily or maybe we have been through a lot in life so we can't believe things CAN be peaceful and good!

    I don't even realize that I create problems. In my own thought it's just smth I need to talk about or know. Some friends comment that it's a bad timing or it's nthn..you're jus creating a proble,.I dunno

    I'm just glad I found you..so you could understand me :))

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    • No problem :P I need to get out more to be honest, it harbors a lot of my insecurities. I'm very trusting so I don't really ever doubt any of my partners, but I always feel like someone else or something else is just out to get me. I can even be the cause of my own problems due to this.

    • Show All
    • I think it might just be our nature, I don't have work or anything right now so I'm always overthinking my personal life issues.

    • I do suspect this is an element of a personality 'type', if such a thing exists, and not something that afflicts, so to speak, individuals. If your guy and me are incredibly similar, that would indicate a type, and if you two have similar 'instincts', it would indicate another. Have either one of you done any personality tests or studied any human typology?

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 17

  • I think this stems from a long pattern of having problems and not being secure in our relationships. For me at least every time things were going well THATS when I found out that things were not as good as I thought so NOW when things go well I start to worry that things are not really as good as it seems so I start looking for problems to fix before they become problems which of course becomes a problem LOL. so yes I have to say I've done this too and I think for the most part its pretty normal since I have also noticed this patter with other people.

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  • Thats weird, that happens to me but I never really thought of it along those lines...smart thinking, Imo the stupid arguments happen when everything gets too routine happy...The little debate brings some spice and calls for great makeup sex and for some reason after a fight has broken out and all is fixed I feel closer to my bf

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    • Oddly it happens to me (Clearly), But I never argue with my partner, it's not that I'm submissive and believe anything, it's just there is literally nothing to cause an argument between a girl and myself. I'm a bizarre person. :L

  • Oh I feel you on that one. That already happened to me as well. I guess when you're used to somehow always have problems around you and already got disappointed and hurt by someone (and I guess that has already happened to everybody at some point) you just always expect something bad to happen. It's like you're trying to prepare yourself for the pain already even though everything might be perfect at this moment. We grow up thinking that "perfect" doesn't exist so we automatically expect something bad, when something feels too good. "Too good to be true" is a quote we probably all heard before. It's hard to get over this and to start thinking differently but if you're ready to work on yourself you can get over this and just enjoy these happy feelings! :-) You gotta let go of the negative feelings and stop expecting something bad whenever you're feeling "too" good. I believe in the "Law of Attraction" so what you think is what you attract. And if you always think in a negative way - you only attract negative things. The other way round is waaayyy more positive! :) Good luck && all the best.

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  • LOL! totally agree with you.. My ex and I took hell and my new boyfriend is so layed back and relaxing.. I get so damn neurotic and sometimes make small things monumental and end up apologizing.. I don't know why I can't just accept the fact that we really do get along.

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  • Not at all.

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  • I totally know where you are coming from! This is my exact same problem...I've been cheated on and taken for granted and now, being in a wonderful relationship, I've started to worry about the same things happening again. I think we just have to accept that there are good hearted people out there and we're lucky enough to have found one...Trust is a huge part of a realtionship and when there's not 100% trust, things get rocky. I would say if your significant other hasn't done anything to make you not trust them, then you probably have nothing to worry about. Remember, your current relationship doesn't involve your ex or your past. Just focus on the now.

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  • Yes unfortunately I think it's really common. I think it's our nature to want what we can't have. And here's my theory. If the relationship is going really well, what is there to want anymore? What is there to work for? What's still interesting? There are ways to go about fixing this, like trying new things, etc. But for others we create problems just to work at some kind of solution or to feel something new. When there's a problem, we'll work at fixing it. And if that isn't the case, then perhaps we'll let it grow until we realize we created the problem as a way to get out of the relationship. I'm rambling... but in any case, humans worry. It doesn't seem normal to not worry. Things that go well freak us out! Wish it didn't!

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  • No way...i don't create drama for no reason. It's a disfunctional way of thinking and living.

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    • It's not a way of thinking, it's subconsious. I don't do it on purpose, that'd be stupid...

    • Even if it is in the subconscious you can still reprogram your subconscious to not repeat behavior. It's not as though this behavior is a lost cause. Being that you actually realize you are doing this is great,because now you can find a way to repair it. And try to get to the source of why you do what you do. And it's not completely in your subconscious either. This is your thought process. A series of thoughts are created which then manifest into irrational behavior.

  • Well I talked once with a wise old man, a sort of philosopher. And he said that we are programmed since birth by society to not be happy.

    That's why when something is going great in our lives we (consciously or unconsciously) start to create drama, invent problems or remember old ones. We sabotage ourselves. We feel guilty of being happy...

    It is a weird theory.

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    • I felt I've heard something similar before, but I'd agree that people can't settle themselves.

    • I think generalising like that is a dangerous things. I think modern society instills a proclivity for increased caution, and the habit of always seeking more than we have, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it makes you unhappy.

    • That's a very deep theory. And I agree with it.

  • Why would anyone want to do that?

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  • what is a normal relationship anymore?

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  • Yes! In the beginning of a relationship, I am anxious, so I over-think everything. That's why it's so important to keep busy all the time with work, hobbies, and friends.

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  • No. I've never done this. When things are going well, then everything is great

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  • Yes, sometimes I think we do this to make sure our boyfriend or girlfriends don't get bored and to see if they are still interested in us. Because sometimes we or only I think if he doesn't look at you like he did when they first got together that we/I think maybe their losing interest. But I don't know.

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  • yes :/ I make up the most ridiculous things in my head, even after 2/3 days >_< like what he tells his friends about me, and what's going to happen in the future, I just generally find I feel chlaustrophobic and ridiculously down (to the point where I stop communicating with everyone, including him) and then I end the relationship.

    I think that some people are meant for relationships, others (like myself) are not.

    do you find that everything is fine until the actual relationship becomes official? or something happens like, you kiss? because I usually beleive everything will work out, until the relationship actually 'starts'.

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  • it's not a good sign if your relationship goes well. too well anywas.

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  • I do this a lot due to my past relationships just really

    screwing up my head lol. I've gotten to the point where

    I realize it, unfortunately I realize it after its all done. Its

    not something I analyze or think about doing, I just

    do it and then later thinking about it and regret it sometimes.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I don't necessarily try to avoid them, but I don't give myself reasons to start arguments and such. So nah... I don't start a problem from nothing because things are going good. I can understand that its kinda worrying to wonder how a relationship will go when a fight does break out, but take it for what it is. If there aren't problems... I'd rather look at it as ... things are going great! rather than she's probably cheating on me... Its good to have debates though every so often... just don't let it be the reason to break up.

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  • No, I am not a drama queen.

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    • Ha, I'm not either... I'm just abit of an over thinker, I don't have to publically tell everyone close to me and make a scene.

    • I'm an over thinker & over analyzer too!

  • Because worrying for no reason is better than not worrying and being f***ed. So that's how we evolved.

    If you worry for no reason, then let it destroy the relationship, then that's stupid. If it's a semi-healthy worry though, it's OK I guess, maybe even beneficial.

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  • Yeah, I like to do her doggystyle and then grab her hair and pull it back. Then I whisper to her that her sister/mother was better and see how crazy she goes.

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  • Clear evidence that a lot of girls are unhealthy in their heads. It's astounding to read how insecure and addicted to drama they really are. thanks for the eye opener.

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  • I've definitely done this and I didn't even know I was doing it, in hindsite. I'm pretty stable, emotionally and mentally, but things were just too perfect and I wasn't ready to dive into marriage (at least, this is what I'm assuming caused me to sabatoge the relationship). She was a great girl and I think about her weekly, even when I date other girls, and that was 2 years ago. It's not as bad as it was, but yes, I definitely felt that things were too perfect and I wasn't willing to accept that at my stage in life.

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