Should I invite his ex-girlfriend for his birthday party?

We've been together for 6 months and we love each other. He's a guy with a lot of history, but most of his ex gfs have already moved on, except this one girl. they have been on and off for the past 4 years, but they've never been really together for this and that reasons. He said they thought they had some "unfinished business", but he stopped feeling the same way since he was with me and he cares about me a lot. She moved back to town 2 months ago since she lost her new job and very depressed, so she always asked to see him alone, about 4 times in the past 2 months, and she always acted very flirty when they met (he told me), and she never wanted to see me. I freaked out the last time they meet alone. although he tried to call me before he met her and I missed the call, but if he really wanted to let me know, he could text me anyways, right? so anyways I told him that they can't meet alone anymore. He told me that she's very special as a friend, and it's been a long time, so he doesn't want to cut her from his life, but if one day he has to choose, he will choose me. he said probably one day when I cool down and she's not that depressed, we can all meet together. I don't know about that, but his birthday is coming next month, I want to throw a party for him. He said I should invite her, that would be a good chance to meet up, but it's up to me.

Should I really invite her? I want to act like a big person, but I'm so afraid that she's gonna be flirty in front of me... and since they both dance, I would really feel upset that they act intimate in front of me... she will initiate a lot of things, and I know he's not good at refusing, especially in front a lot of ppl...

any suggestions would be appreciated!


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What Guys Said 1

  • I just saw the title of your question and could not prevent myself from yelling NOOOOOOOOO!

    Having now read the whole text...


    The sad thing here is that you are being a good person but either way you will get hurt in this because your boyfriend isn't respecting you or your relationship.

    Your boyfriend needs to have more respect for the "commitment" aspect of your relationship. Committing to someone doesn't just mean that you don't have sex with other people, it also means that you avoid situations that can eventually lead to you cheating, you avoid situations where you may start having feelings for another woman, and you above all avoid people who flirt with you or who may have feelings for you. EVEN if they are depressed. After all, what is more important to him: the feelings of his ex who wants to come back with him, or the feelings of his girlfriend? Why is he with you if the ex's feelings are more important?

    In fact, a truly honest man who wants to "honor" his wife/girlfriend, will go out of his way to even avoid situations one step removed from the risky situations I listed. Personally, I don't talk to ex girlfriends, and if they messaged me, I would just block their email/number and ignore them. Why? Because I want to be 100% loyal to my next girlfriend and talking to exes is just trouble. My exes gave me good memories, but that's it, they are not part of my future. Thus I go into new relationships with NO BAGGAGE.

    The problem now is that if you ask him to stop talking to her, he probably still will do it but in secret. I think the best solution is for you to simply share your concerns, and tell him that you don't appreciate it, along the lines of what I wrote above, that you know it will rekindle feelings for the girl, etc. Don't give HIM an ultimatum, instead, give YOURSELF one, that if he still talks to the girl or meets her, or gets more involved than you are comfortable with, that you will then distance yourself from him.

    And the odds are 75% in favor of him dating the girl again if you move out. The question is if you want him to do this behind your back, or after you leave him. Not much you can do if that is what he want, and the sort of man he is.

    Yeah, I'm pessimistic about this sort of behavior.

    • thanks a lot for such a long text! I will for sure keep it and make my own argument...

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