My best friend has feelings for my ex. What do I do?

Okay so my best friend of three years recently admitted to me she has very strong feelings for my ex. We have been broken up for a very short period of time and even though we have both moved on I think I will always have a small amount of feelings for him because I lost my virginity to him. She asked my permission to start a thing with him and obviously I am not okay with it but I don't want to be that girl that says no. I'm okay with him moving on just not with her because not only is she my best friend who I am very close with but she isn't very discrete when it comes to PDA etc. I don't know how to deal with the situation because even if I say no she is just going to do it anyway and I don't think I will be able to be friends with her if she goes through with it. What do I do

Does this violate
Does this violate "girl code"

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I was in pretty much the same situation when I was 16. I had this dynamic relationship, strong feelings, first time sex, and of course I was telling everything to my best friend. Soon after I was with the guy, we broke up for good, because he was an asshole :) but the sparks stayed.
    7-8 months later (we were not speaking to each other with the guy) and guess what - my best friend started an affair with him while she was in love with a mutual friend from the company :) She said she felt like they have a strong connection and may be both falling in love.
    You know exactly how I felt :)

    Now, 15 years later, I know that she was lying to me for so much things and that she is a very fucked up person. But this is her, not your friend. And I know she wanted the same that I had with the guy, and he was opened to everything with boobs and long hair :) Which may be similar to your situation.

    So, my advice to you is to think about it a little more deep.
    Is it possible that something may happen between you and the guy? Three years ago you were kids.
    Or you think that you have feelings, just because your friend is interested?
    This is important. If you still have a special and deep connection with the guy, and he feels the same, it's better that you clear up things for everybody.
    If it's just nostalgia, let them try with your blessing. Believe me, it's better that you talk about it and everybody involved know how the others feel.

    You are right, it will happen behind your back and this will ruin your relationship with your friend.
    Speaking about it will not erase the uncomfortable feeling and the jealousy, but these are normal feelings and you should not consider them as special :)

    So, good luck!

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  • The question is what is the actual problem? I find it disgusting in knowing people have premarital sex, and then wants that with who you may have [if you're sexually active/and with that person] sex with at that time. Agh! It's like do anybody THINK anymore! But besides the fact. If your not comfortable you have to find out why this is. Either you still have feelings for the ex, or you know that your ex would not treat your friend right after whatever caused you two to leave. You shouldn't be having premarital sex at your age and even before marriage. Now you know one of the main consequences of premarital sex. This is not a good idea. And I highly suggest you speak to her from an objective point of view. Starting with your sex life with him and what happened. Because sadly, he's going to treat her the same way he did you.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You certainly can't control either your ex or your friend. Let them do whatever they want.

    At the same time, set up personal boundaries on just how "close" you and her remain. Since she wants that relationship, I would refrain from telling her very personal things you might share with a "best" friend. Find other people/activities to spend more of your time with and slowly back away from her until the distance is more comfortable for you.

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What Girls & Guys Said

84
  • i think you tell her the truth. but ultimately should tell her to date him if she feels strongly about him

    you can let her know that you are of two minds. you think you have some residual feelings and may be uncomfortable but at the same time don't want to tell her who to date or not date.

    i think it's a good chance to be a standup person and just let them go for it

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  • I've had feelings for one of my best friends ex's before, but I chose not to act on those feelings because then to me that violating the code.

    I think you should just tell her how you feel, because if you don't and just let them be it may affect the quality and longevity of your friendship.

    If you tell her how you feel and she decides to still go forward with it, then I don't think she worth having as a friend.

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  • Ask yourself is she the reason why your no longer together in the first place. I have see a lot of couples go through similar ordeals. And typically it is because someone else wanted to be with the other persons spouse.

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  • this is not good at all f ur bff goes for ur ex thats a fake bff get rid of her she's a snake if my bff liked my ex nah she's out of here mate u don't do that u jus can't well these days people are to fake like kylie jenner bff was on it with khloes man her sister boyfriend see these days u can't trust no body not even ur closest friends in ur face they might seem like there the one but behind closed doors there doing everything.

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  • Just as it's man-law to not date a friends ex, it's girl-law to not date a friend's ex. It's really disrespectful for her to show interest in the first place, especially knowing the history you have (the whole virginity thing). I would just tell her that she can do what she wants, but you'll be uncomfortable with it, and if she thinks it's worth sacrificing your friendship for a temporal high school boyfriend then so be it.

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  • If she was your REAL BFF she would never go for your ex.
    You need to tell her straight up NO because its not right for her to do that. How would she like it if you did that to her?
    And if she does it anyway than that means she willing to choose a boy over you.
    Your better off without her.
    Sisters before misters

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  • He isn't your boyfriend anymore, why would you prevent her from dating him? Maybe they will have better chemistry.

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  • Personally, I don’t give a damn about girl code. If my best friend wanted to date my ex, and my ex and I ended things well and there’s some times between it, why not?

    It’s not like you can choose who you fall in love with.

    I get that it might be hard for you, and reading this i don’t think she’s a good friend.. because of the fact you write it’s shortly after the breakup and she’ll go through with it regardless of your opinion.

    I do think you should ask her to keep the PDA down, at least for a while until you’ve gotten used to the idea of them together. If she doesn’t respect that i’d drop her lol.

    Also, you’re young. It’s not like these relationships last forver.

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  • I be pretty pissed especially if it’s in a short period cause the feelings are still there.

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  • Have a threesome.

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  • If it's only been a short period of time since you guys have broken up it means that she had feelings for him when you guys were still dating, unless she discovered her feelings overnight. In all honesty, I think that it is best to tell her about it, expecially if she's displaying so much pda

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  • She isn’t your best friend! Best friends don’t do that. I say you drop her now and move on. If she’s out of your life you won’t know what they are doing. Save yourself the heartache

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