We argued a lot. He would become cold and mean, and ignore me. This could go on for days. He dumped me twice, and I took him back, twice. Our one year anniversary, he didn't even want to talk to me. He was being horrible. I still don't know what happened to this day or what I did. Whenever I asked him, he said he was "just off". I got over it. As always.
I had a panic attack once. and I messaged him, talking to him helped sometimes. But he was taking a while to respond. And when I asked him what he was doing a couple of days later, he said he was playing video games. I felt so hurt. I went to him for help and he barely cared. He always told me he loved me. And I believe in his own way he did, but he was too stubborn. For two years, I had asked him to change one thing, and that was just his stubbornness and anger. And even though he promised so many times, he didn't.
I asked myself why I stayed, a lot. But in the end, I knew the truth. I held onto the good moments. The moments before the bad. And I still loved him, despite the bad. I guess, in a way I was reinforcing his behaviour because he never lost me. I lost him, but he never lost me. And when I broke up with him, he said more loving words to me than he did in a long time. I cried a lot.
Now one month down the line, why am I thinking of him? or am I just getting used to being single again?