I'm having a very difficult time deciding no contact with my ex (long)

We've been friends since we were 14. I've been with him for 5.5 years and it was really a good relationship...I'm turning 22 and he's turning 23. So it's been a long while...we've been long distance for 2.5 years and I supported him in the Army for 2 years.

A few days ago he broke up with me crying really hard l like I've never seen. Said his feelings have changed for me and that when I visited it didn't come back. That he tried really hard for it to come back but he has no control over his feelings and he wanted it so bad to work. But it's not fair to drag me along when he is feeling this way. He honestly has no idea why it happened...he thinks maybe the Army and distance caught up to him. He is busier than ever..and will be even more busy once he deploys to Afghanistan and comes back.

He wants to be friends...we've known each other forever. I want to stop contacting him because

1. I want to break the habit of talking to him every day for 5.5 years

2. He's been contacting ME but I don't want to get my hopes up and wait for his text every day and wonder why he hasn't called me on a diff day.

3. I don't want to be hurt seeing what's on his Facebook page although he promised he'd monitor it until I feel better...

He couldn't sleep last night and called me and asked if he could please call me when he needed me to talk to. For all these years, I was his confidant...he talked to no one else but me really. I know everything. I told him, "No." but I'm unsure now because I don't want him to resent me for not being there for him one day when he needs me. But at the same time I don't want him to have his cake and eat it too.

I'm at a lost...I'm afraid we'll drift apart and make things worse with no contact. He doesn't want to do this. But I feel like if we were to be truly friends...even after 3 or 4 months of no more pain and feelings...then he'd still want to be friends. If not, then he never really wanted me as a friend but as a comfort pillow.

He's been the one to contact me since the break up...I thought about erasing his Skype, AIM, Facebook, and no phone calls.

How will I know when I'm ready to contact him and won't be hurt?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would say you need to be there as a friend. Help support him through his time in the military and been there as you have been throughout the years. I know it hurts, but he really needs you now and he's reaching out for your love as a friend.

    Just because you couldn't make it as a couple doesn't mean you don't mean more than the world to him. His love has changed, yes, but he loves you more than a girlfriend, even more than a best friend. Although he has broken up with you, at least he was honest and took your emotions and respect and put your feelings on a pedestal. He even had enough respect to monitor his facebook in respect to you.

    I'd say be there for him, and support him through it all. Just because he can't love you now doesn't mean he can't later and even if that doesn't happen, he will always be there for you. You two have a history together and obviously you mean very much to each other.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Only you will know that. Don't make any rash emotional decisions though ei. blocking deleting contact info it sounds like he may be torn, there seems to be a lot more to the story that he is not telling you.

    Give him some space but allow him the ability to get back to you when he is ready. I think every couple goes through a period of uncertainties, if he does come back it will be better than ever. If he doesn't at least you will know that you were not meant to be. I know it's hard but it's out of your control.

    Stay strong!

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  • He broke up with you, he needs to give you your space, so you can heal, so to speak, and get over him. He owes you that. He you keep contact right now, it will be very hard to move on and you'll remain emotionally tethered to him, which is maybe what he wants, subconsciously. I would say cut all contact with him until you've recovered, then you can be friends on your own terms.

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  • I've been in this situation myself(only from another point of view), and for now it really is a good idea to stop all contact with him. Checking his facebook etc is only going to make it worse and phone calls will make you miss him even more.

    ' He's been contacting ME but I don't want to get my hopes up and wait for his text every day and wonder why he hasn't called me on a diff day.' I know exactly how this feels, and its not something you want. So my advice for you is to stop all contact untill YOU are over him, and not the other way around. Although you feel sorry for him, you should remember that he is the one that broke-up with you. Its going to hurt both of you, but in the end its the best way to get over him and make him realize this: ' I don't want him to have his cake and eat it too'.

    hope this helps

    good luck

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What Girls Said 2

  • this is very similar to the situation I am in atm, only difference is that I don't know what's going on in my guys mind.. I hope you get it sorted everyone deserves to be happy x

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  • sometimes when you lose something that's when you realize you want it back, be there for him but be dry, don't be super nice, make him feel bad for you or anything, show that you are strong, and whatever, and you are capable of meeting a new guy, and someone better, someone wholl love u, etc.. and he might realize he does love you, and he misses things... if not, then yea he doesn't love u. but that's the only way to find out.

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