He says I should back off, but then he calls me and I just don't get it.

We had a huge fight before Christmas and I accused him of cheating on me, it turned out he wasn't. He was hurt, I was hurt. It's been two months and he's still not over it. He told me to back off and give him the freedom to choose me. I backed off, I didn't call or text or anything, but then he calls me just to say hello, but never wants to talk for more than a few minutes. He says he loves me, but needs time to feel like everything is back to normal.

What does it all mean? Why would he tell me to back off and then call me? Obviously when he calls or we meet, I want it all to be like it used to be. He used to treat me like a princess. Why oh why did I f*** it up because I couldn't believe that a guy can treat me so amazingly?

Before him, all my relationships had been quite emotionally abusive. I was too afraid to date for years and when I did, I found it impossible to be emotionally open with the guys. I tried to force myself to enjoy dating, but I just didn't I just didn't feel interested. Then he came along and I really screwed up. What do I do?


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What Guys Said 1

  • you currently carry the burden of your past relationships(insecurities)can't blame you however, you should never accuse your guy if you don't have the evidence of cheating..you don't need to be clingy also..currently, he is testing the waters again to see how you respond to him..you should also try to meet him half way on this..after the issues cools off you need to open up and address the issues between the 2 of you..you should also try and make a compromise with him to you, so you wouldn't jump to wrong conclusions regarding what he does when your not with him..this is just one of the bumps on the road hope everything is going for the best after this =)


What Girls Said 1

  • "He told me to back off and give him the freedom to choose me."

    He told you to back off and so you did. Then he added for you to let him come to you and he is since he is calling you and since you stopped calling. OK. You did what was needed to not make things worse than youve already done by accusing him of cheatin due to your insecurities. He is just really being careful with you and takin it slow. What's not to get? He is a little bothered by what you did and wants to take a breather from the relationship to see if it is what he really wants. You kind of turned him off and he just needs more time to get over it yet he still wants to talk to you and wants to, in a way, be in control to how its gonna be now. So, hon, just let the man chase you and I know you don't like the pace but sometimes men need to go into there little caves to think and you need to be patient if you really want this to work. Next time, don't assume until you have real hard proof. I suggest now to not focus on what he is doin or why isn't he doin and work on you and your trust issues by makin some changes. You know what they are so just put your mind to it and do it. What ever happens from now, embrace it and don't pressure this man, All you can do is do better.

    • Thank you. That helps. I'll try that from now. Up until now, I've been hostile when he calls because I've been feeling so confused.

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