Do non abusive, faithful ex lovers deserve compassion?

I just get the feeling that we have a pervasive culture of, once we're done using someone's body, time, emotions and resources, that's a license to treat them as less than human and non existent in the world and even our own journey. It's like once we break up, the other person isn't a human being anymore and we can treat them as less than 2nd class. That person is now suddenly a thing to be afraid of as if we'd never had a bond with them ever, as if they never loved us or sincerely wanted us to be happy in the first place. Why do we choose this kind of behaviour? Why do we choose to live this way? And the reasons many of us breakup seem relatively petty to begin with. I may question this to. But I asked this question of compassion because it's as if on a wide scale, more people are treating the world like a zero sum game. And treating the world like a zero sum game is what narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths do.Do non abusive, faithful ex lovers deserve compassion?
Updates:
This isn't about being friends with your ex necessarily.

It's about handling an ex like human being and being more careful as to how your attitude and actions affect them. It's not as though thceir role in our journey was ever granted, especially their being faithful and non abusive like the question specifies.

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  • Of course.
    I mean, if he's an ex, the person who broke up doesn't have the obligation to keep being friends with them, but they deserve all the compassion, praise and appreciation in the world. And hopefully someone who'll hug them so tight, all their broken pieces will fit back together.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • There is no reason to treat someone badly after a break up as long as the relationship ended witout anyone cheating or physically or mentaly hurting the other.
    About staying friends, well that is for each one to decide. If they, even if they care and like you, don't want to be near you anymore, if they want to rip that page from their book, it's their choice. Nothing to do but accept

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  • The reason for this behavior is usually hurt feelings. No matter why the relationship ended, the fact that it did is enough to feel heartbroken and avoid them as good as possible. It takes me several years after a breakup to be able to talk with my ex partners without feeling strange

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  • I’m honestly not sure. It may be due to my past but when that faithful ex lover left me for no reason whatsoever. I had no choice but to think that she was possibly cheating and has been keeping up the facade of being a loving girlfriend for a year and got sick of it. So I don't know what to think.

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  • i would agree they deserve some compassion but at the same time it is not the place of the ex to be the one to give that compassion... if a relationship is done it makes more sense in the long term that the ex stays away or else closure is harder to achieve... its what friends are for if you see what i mean.

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    • I see what you're saying. I agree there is an extent, because one needs to move on. That is the nature of a break up. But we have a tendency to do this in an an emotionally scarring way. It becomes problematic when closure is harder to achieve because of distance. That sends a worse message.

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    • when you look back on it al say this time next year when you are with some one new, you will think so.

    • Perhaps. Pain does teach us things, although a breakup causes that regardless if one didn't want it. Personally I'd probably be more indifferent if I'm with someone else a year later.

  • It’s ok to dislike your ex, even if they didn’t do anything to you per say. Personally, if I had a ex I wouldn’t hate them just because I broke up with them. There would need to be a reason.

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  • Yeah even when you have nothing wrong once dumped you are usually treated like you no longer exist by most women even when they might have said I love you just a few days before. Been through that several times.

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  • Because people tend to be shitty over being kind it's been this way for a long time yes not all people are shitty but many are and u are more likely to hear about the shit then the good

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  • Hey i will treat them like human being regardless. If they were a piece of shit while i was with them or after because it ended then for the most part i would ignore their presence as to avoid unnecessary drama from them.

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  • They dont deserve compassion. They do deserve to be treated with respect and as a human. Some of us just choose to treat them as non existent to move on from a love that once was to have another journey in love.

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  • Of course they do. If you don't give them human feelings (compassion), you were, to start with, not worth their time or the trouble.

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  • People move on. It sucks but you can't just say you're owed something.

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    • In reality, is it that simple? Is it okay then, to treat others in such a way as to not account for the consequences of our actions, just because we don't, say, "legally owe" anything?

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    • On a primal level sure, but I would argue that some of our social dynamics have changed.

    • also thank you for your comments

  • I agree. I have one ex I'm still good friends with.

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  • Well my ex just cut me off and blocked me on everything her friends disconnected from me. She blocked all my family. She gave me no closure and just broke up for petty things like me not having a joint bank account with her. I’m treated like her worst enemy. When the relationship ended and she lost feelings I ceased to matter to her at all instantly all care for how I felt was gone. It is really strange because despite the relationship good or bad I loved her cared about her, was faithful, and always there for her. Even when it wasn’t easy. It was so traumatic I don’t even know what love is and I’m so scared of abandonment I don’t feel I can truly be in a relationship again without thinking in the back of my head. She can be gone at any moment for the pettiest reason.

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    • I think girls are able to be very cruel. In your case it looks worst. It looks mean. Of course I only read your part of the story, bit you have all my compassion.

    • @Mitch-french yeah man I didn’t do anything to hurt her I still don’t know why really I think everyday what did I do? For this person I love to erase me like that

  • No necessarily, even if it's a normal mutual break up, you are not required to have any feelings for the person.

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  • most of the time it's not a mutal breakup. i can understand the ill will.

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  • I guess when people hate on their exes it's usually for a reason not simply because they mutually split up. Be it simply having been dumped, feeling rejected, replaced, worthless and hurt which might lead to strong emotions and a bruised ego. Thinking or speaking badly about their ex may help to get over them faster or make them less attractive to be with anyways. It's simple psychology. It's just way harder to get over someone you still treasure and admire. I think you can tell by the way someone talks about their ex whether they're over them or not. Of course it's not good to trash talk a person but that's just the most human way to cope with the pain.

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  • I can’t be friends with my exes that’s why they are ex’s. Most of all of my exes have hurt me pretty bad. All of them.

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  • Yes. All people deserve compassion if willing to change into great creatures.

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  • Nope. I have an abusive ex. I wish she'd just get out of my life.

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  • I'm very good friends with several exes.

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  • Hell yeah

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  • Mostly. It really depends.

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  • People these days are more cruel.

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  • That picture makes me sad

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  • Yes they should.

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