Would you stop divorcing for the sake of your children?

Or is to just an excuse people use not to get divorced?

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1217

Most Helpful Guy

  • I have been in that situation so I can tell you what I did and my thoughts about it now. I stayed in a bad marriage for years. There were a few reasons for that, but one big one certainly was the children. I thought it was better for them if I stayed with their mother until they were grown. I only left after the youngest one had graduated from high school.

    One of them told me later that it wasn't really that great being in a house where the parents had an unhappy marriage. That made me question whether I should have left sooner, but in the end I still feel like I made the right decision in my case because I think they'd have been worse off had I left when I first wanted to.

    Other cases are different though. My girlfriend left her ex when their children were still in high school or middle school and in her case I think that was the right choice because the environment for the kids after the divorce was better than before the divorce.

    In my opinion, it really depends on how bad the situation is and whether the kids are likely to end up in a worse situation after a divorce than if the parents stay together until they are grown. That will vary for different marriages depending on the people involved and the overall situation both before and after a divorce.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think I could be with someone I didn't love. Yeah, it'd be hard for the kids but I'd allow them equal custody (as long as the dad wasn't abusive or anything).

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What Girls & Guys Said

1116
  • I couldn't have stayed with my son's dad. Nothing would have kept me there.
    It was so unhealthy and I just remember thinking "what I we teaching him?" and asking myself what he was grow up thinking and what he would think normal behaviour was.

    My ex partner is a law unto hiself, so really my son only has me to show him some kind of normal.
    I'm not saying I'm completely normal, but I'm doing my best.

    Staying in that relationship would have been a disaster.

    If two parents cannot maintain a stable, healthy, functioning relationship, then no, their kids shouldn't be the only thing keeping them together.
    Being married or staying together does not make you better parents.
    If you pretty much hate each other, or act like it most of the time, you cannot co-parent like that.
    You have to find another way of doing it.

    Sometimes the relief of that break up brings it about, and if it doesn't then you do the best you can.
    But you cannot stay in a toxic marriage/relationship and expect your children not to pick up on it.

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  • I honestly think that’s just an excuse people use “I’m not getting a divorce because of the kids” that’s trash. If you don’t love and have all the right reasons not to be with someone, don’t be with them for “the kids sake” you’ll only hurt the kids. I know from my parents; they tried working it out and me and my siblings were always tied into the middle. Sometimes two houses is better than one.

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  • dont have kids if you can't be a family. dont get married if you can last forever. dont get divorced if you have children. dont be a hoe if you can't stay in a relationship. ... should i keep going?

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    • Hoy are not saying anything meaningful

  • As someone who works with kids, they are WAY more aware than most parents credit them. I’ve had several children out of the blue share about their parents relationship good bad & funny. I understand divorce impacts children but trust me children would much rather come from a broken home than live in one. Don’t stay for the kids they deserve happy healthy parents not two miserable caretakers.

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  • No, resentment is hard to hide and the Children will notice it. It's like a choice between a fast and hard car crash or a slow and agonizing burn. Divorce is just better because that way you don't have to let the children see you fighting each other all the time.

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  • Yes I would not get divorced for the sake of my children just like my mom did for my siblings and I. My mom's reason of not divorcing was because my siblings and I were still young and she didn't want our emotions getting affected... I guess she did put our well beings above hers.

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  • No... and the reason why, in having friends of divorced parents, they often wondered why they dragged the marriage out as they did placing them through the hell, too. Granted, there have been a few who feel embittered by their parents divorcing, but those are far fewer than the former. Kids are wise to problems within their parents' marriage.

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  • If it was bad, I would divorce immediately. If I could manage it, I would hold off on divorce til all the kids were grown up, graduated high school, and moved out of the house (I'd rather them have a normal happy childhood than put them through the trauma of separation and custody of divorce).

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  • It does happy but I must be cruel and say women are F-ed up in the divorce factor.

    Guys divorce for obvious reasons.
    -Cheating or was cheated on.
    -Arguing and not getting along.
    -etc.

    Women are ridiculous. Women will divorce guys because they get a terminal illness, getting bald, lost their business, etc.

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    • That's ridiculous. Both genders do. Why do you take my question to attack women?

    • Because I got divorced for a stupid reason and millions of other dudes did as well.

    • That is ridiculous

  • People should not need excuses to not get divorced. The reason people DO get divorced is because one or both never really took the commitment of "for richer or, poorer, in sickness or in health, till death do us part" seriously.

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  • Many couples actually do that. They dotn separate or get divorce for their kids, even if their relationship as a couple is bad and really sucks

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  • Marriage shall lasts forever, if the case wasn't so much extreme and could be fixed by any means, marriage shall remains... because it's sacred.

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  • No. It's hard to mask your unhappiness from your children. They're very perceptive. It'll just create a bad home life.

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  • 😂 umm... no. That doesn’t make a ton of sense to me unless you’re going to be dirt broke afterwards

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  • I would try to stop my divorce in general bc i don't believe in divorce. If i get married I'd want it to be successful.

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    • Just wait 10 years darling

  • I don't want kids or marry either way. But I also see it as that's the catch if one has kids with somebody and then their marriage just didn't work out, the kids gonna get screwed over and have to pay the price for their parents failures. Once I realize how random things really are and I look at it as do I really need to get married or have kids? And the answer is ALWAYS no, and therefore there IS NO NEED to do so, so what's the point of even bothering with it? My parents are split so I know how it is. It always makes me wonder, can't the two of them be absolutely certain first before involving somebody else new that didn't have a say in any of it in the first place? That somebody is me.

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  • i'm assuming it's over cheating or abuse-not some petty reasoning. no, it'll be hard on the kids either way-divorcing is less so.

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  • yeah i would. id do a lot, but not everything, to save my relationship.

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  • If I planned to have children, then still nope as it would be the lesser of two evils

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  • Nope

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  • yes i'd

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  • Yes...

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  • In today’s world people don’t care

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  • It depends on the reason (s) for the divorce.

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  • The only reason I won’t divorce is bc of my kid. I hate my wife and am not even attracted to her. Her family causes problems. I need to be pleased physically and mentally desperately

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  • I put if off longer because of my kids but eventually I still divorced, the fighting was constant and she was cheating anyway

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  • I wouldn't have been foolish enough to get married in the first place

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