Help me I am in a spiral of destruction?

Hi, so long story short, i have a boyfriend that have been with me for 4 years, we've been through thick and thin, but then i caught him micro cheating on me several times. He has been a bit ignorant, constantly putting me down, but i love him so very much and so does he.

But i have been cheating on him these past 6 months. With my best friend, full blown cheating. This guy does his absolute best to make me happy, and he makes me feel like i am enough. But this man is so clingy and demands attention everytime

Recently both of them found out about each other, but neither of them wants to break up. I had talks about break up with both because of the emotional stress i have been carrying, but both absolutely doesn't want to let go. What should i do?
Help me I am in a spiral of destruction?
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