Why Do I feel guilty and Miss Him?

I met a guy who lied about his intentions with me. I fell for his lies in the beginning. He is 39 and I thought he was mature and looking for a serious relationship. I really liked him. He ghosted me and I let him come back. Yet whenever I tried to pull away from him he would gush over me again and say crazy things like I love you. But at some point he would still never keep plans with me and would not go out in public with me. He kept making excuses that at first I believed... like he had his son for the weekend or was doing something for his son or mom or working. My schedule was crazy too. But at some point I realized he was avoiding going out with me. Before I realized it we had just become fuck buddies. I was having sex with him in the beginning because he initiated a relationship with said he was my man etc... so I thought all was good. Until the broken plans etc.

I recently managed to end things with him. When I tried pulling away he blamed me for our lack of relationship and it was apparently my fault we hadn't spent more time together. He started with the I love you and please don't leave me and I need you routine. But this time I said no more. I was blunt with him that I knew all he wanted was sex now to which he lied and said he wanted more with me. Even worse I found out he is in a relationship with a 28 year old that he had been living with all along.
I think he might be narcissistic. He told me I belonged to him... but what is crazy is that in this moment I find myself believing his statement that our demise was my fault. I feel guilty, ugly, and stupid. Meanwhile I'm sure he's just dandy. I'm actually missing him or the person I thought he was in the beginning.

Was I manipulated? Is this all my fault? Why do I still miss him? Am I just crazy I don't know at this point. This relationship with him has taken a toll on me emotionally. Help... how do I get pass this. I've never been played with like this before.
Why Do I feel guilty and Miss Him?
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