With her, I developed a twisted type of love. I don't think it was healthy in retrospect but it lingers a bit (not the romantic desires anymore). It was like a love for a child. Since she was in such bad shape both physically and mentally, I fell in love with the idea of taking care of her. She needed care and I'd do things like carrying her through the snow in Disney Land back to our home because it was too much for her and she fainted. I fell in love with that idea that I'd always be the one taking care of her.So when she broke up it's like, "Who's going to take care of her now? And what am I supposed to do when I planned to take care of her for the rest of my life?" And that was tough. So I still have that kind of lingering feeling where I'm hoping someone is taking care of her and that she's doing well.
Meanwhile, I found my wife years later. She's the opposite. She's extremely mentally balanced, extremely difficult to upset, in very good physical health, and very much an adult who doesn't need me at all. I'm "rather optional." :-D But I like that because it feels more genuine to me now in retrospect to have a woman who wants me and wants to spend time with me even if she doesn't "need" me, even if she was doing just fine on her own.
Wow. Thanks a bunch for such a thought out answer. I must say things turned out the way it did for the best. I completely understand both POVs. Some people are just not compatible with others. You ex needed someone much more aggressive to depend on to feel secure. Similarly, I need a more aggressive guy to show me through actions that he cares for me for that is the only way ill completely trust a guy with my heart (it sucks because any person can pretend). But the root of that is so not my ex boyfriend and that is exactly why i can never be with him again. He's so nonchalant and serious as I am and i need a guy who will be my balance and be that free guy to tell me to relax and go with the flaw instead of being so serious all the time. All and all I am so happy for both of you!
Cheers and thanks! TBH, at first, with my wife, I was getting uncomfortable by how self-sufficient and mentally stable she was. I was actually deriving a form of guilty pleasure when she got ill and I could take care of her and get her things while she was in bed, since I felt "needed" then. It's kind of toxic desire, I suppose, that I developed from that one ex. Over time of being together though (we've now been together over 10 years), I got over that kind of tendency to equate love with "need".
I think naturally guys want to feel needed because of how society has been treating y'all but i don't know, maybe not
I think I'm a strange one in general. Like I'm a software developer and lots of software devs talk about crunch (the busiest seasons when we have the most aggressive deadlines) like it's the most suicidal and depressing and draining aspect of the job. I'm the opposite. I tend to get a bit depressed and lazy when things are too easy. Crunch is my favorite time of any project because now I feel like what I'm doing is extremely important, that others depend on me, and so I work day and night and feel so motivated and satisfied during those times. :-D I've always been weird like that. I excel under tight pressure and responsibility and don't do nearly as well outside.
And that fine. You like a challenge. Nothing is wrong with that, just dont let it consume you. Know what you have in front of you and appreciate it
That's deep. Wow. Sorry to hear that. What happened? If you don't mind sharing
Sorry but she sounds like a bitch. You deserve soooooooo much better
it takes time... plus... I don't know... maybe you are the 1 out of 10... i always say that 9 times out of 10 that someone said that they were cheated on... THEY (you) started the cheating first... but in this case, sounds like she was a greedy cunt. and you were too giving. gotta leave some shit to be worked for.
I have never and will never cheat on someone I think it is the most disgusting thing you can do to someone you say that you love, if I ever got to the point I would even consider cheating I would end the relationship
That is so cool. You definitely found a wonderful friend for life
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That is so cool. I'm still friends with my ex too but honestly, i kind of hate him...
What happened? If you dont mind sharing
She dumped me... twice sort of...
Why she do that?
I am not sure. I really am not. She knew I loved her. I guess she just didn't love me anymore and I wasn't doing it for her. I can believe that.
I bet not knowing really sucks ass. It definitely would for me. All and all, you deserve better especially for someone who wouldn't even give you a reason
She gave me a reason - I just don't believe it.She was a good girl mostly.I have moved on though - I am married to someone else for almost 18 years. She is married to a scumbag for almost 20 years in 2 weeks.
Damn lol. Guess karma got to her
Nope. She is living a fabulous life - the fabulous life that I dreamed of living with her. The fucking asshole that basically stole her from me is her husband.
but think about it, you came out of that relationship more alive. You have someone great while she has an asshole for a husband. It sucks but...
No, I didn't come out of that more alive.I've been a member of TWD for almost 30 years.
And she doesn't think he an asshole (but her parents do).
Ohhh ok. Does your wife make you happy?
She's a good wife. We have our ups and downs, but I am content in my marriage.
but does she make you happy? Are you satisfied with her at least 51% to 49%?
you put dots. Share (if you wish)
I put dots to go past the 3 characters which is insufficient to post.
So are you saying once you love someone no matter what they say and or do you can not unlove someone? How come I feel no love towards my exes that I once love?
Sounds about right, that is why i never allowed myself to completely love someone. I love too hurt
@mysterious. Well I guess for guys it's a different feeling. I'm not saying all guys. Some. But maybe you just never really loved them? Or maybe you just. Move on differently. We are all different. But if you trully loved that person. How can it be so easy to take away that love. How can you just. Un-love some one... to me. I find it impossible
Understood. Why do you feel that way though?
We fought and argued too much. But instead of being reasonable. She cheated on me. Like 5 times. And every time I’d try to end it with her after she cheated, she’d find someway to pull me back in. My mom was diagnosed with cancer. She’s at stage three thyroid and can’t really leave the house much rather than to go to the hospital. All those times my ex kept me by her and played me was time I could've spent with my mom. Taken her out to dinner. Bought her clothes. Had fun with her. But she is too sick for that now, and most everything I do is for my mom. I don’t hate my ex for cheating. I hate her for wasting my time, being so selfish and abusive. That’s why I feel that way.
Good for you. You're so worth more than her. Just don't give up on love yet. There's a girl out there waiting for you
That is completely true. What was it about him that made the bad things forgettable?
Why did she break up with you?
I’m honestly not even sure. She just randomly left saying that God told her to. Even though we were both Christians, that wasn’t good enough for me because I didn’t want to just throw a whole year away and not learn anything from it. After like a week or so I asked again and she said she just lost interest and that it wasn’t my fault.
Hmm definitely shitty especially since she used god as her reason
Ikr. The weirdest thing is, I didn’t notice any of the disinterested signs until after she left. I noticed that her entire personality made a complete 180 but it thought it was due to stress from work but it remained after she left her work. She was looking for every excuse to snap at me and blamed it on her period, which she was on, (I know periods make women irritable but many women I met say that it should never be used as an excuse for bad behavior so I don't know what to think about that), it bothered her that I went broke due to her always wanting to go out to eat, she is distant etc. She was never like that ever. I lost interest in our relationship a couple months in, but I didn’t want to let her go knowing that she doesn’t deserve it. I kept sticking with her and it took months but I finally got over it. The best part was that she knew everything about it from the start to finish.It makes me mad that she let herself cave in so easily and that she never told me until it was too late.
Love love love that. I'm the same way
Can't waste time on people that don't want to be apart of your life
exactly! Slip-ups are fine (for me), as long as i don't act o them (which i do not)
ill let you punch me so you can redeem any feelings hurt
Same. I'm too cautious to allow a guy to hurt m completely. I never let them in that much
@_Tou24che_l ok fine you punch me if u have any aggression or anger towards guys lol
@bulls-fan23 are you like one of those sado masochist submissive men,?🙈😂
_tou24che_1 tbh its a defense mechanism and im fine with using it, it saves us from the hurt other women are always willing to experience
exactly! You get it
in all honesty... yea i am, i mean ur beautiful ash, you can punch me any day of the wk.
What happened? if you dont mind sharing
I would have given her the entire world that was at my reach... if only she would have wanted me. It might be that Im just stupid as a person or because of my negligence or maybe even karma catching up to me... I wasn't enough. I tried my best to help her out of a broke place. I put her on a pedestal. I helped in in any and every kind of way possible. At the end Im not sure if she ever did like me or was just playing me. Since I really never got a straight answer out of her I just assumed I was played
You sound like a great guy. I hope she hasn't ruined some other lucky girl's chance
I promised I would play my cards right and not lose her. She had different things in mind. Bridges burn, tables turn, you live , you learn.
well at least you learned, a lot of people never do
completely agree. You get it!
Lol wow. What did he do?
He got a new girlfriend a bit after we got to together, used to text other girls, ignored me heaps for three months. I stayed with him when I found out about his other girlfriend (who he never even met), cause he said he still loved me, he just loved her more. I saw it more like a problem horse and I was convinced I could fix it and I could get him to love me more, it didn't work enough. I just loved him too much and I guess I still do a bit, I've just gotten used to the fact he's not coming back and it's better not be with him. He was a pretty amazing boyfriend besides all that, though.
Know that any guy who makes you question his love for you is definitely not the guy for you. You deserve better so stick to wanting to punch his face instead 😬. Because hunni, he isn't worth your time and effect and surly heck isn't worth being on your mind
Yeah, I know that now. I just get a little blind in love.
And that's fine. It means you can love unlike me. I'm too protective of my heart, cautious, and i never let a guy in completely. So in a way, I'm kind of jealous of you. Flaunt it because it's amazing
Yeah, it is, I guess. I get a little scared too though.
Completely normal. You are young and you have lots of things to learn in life. Don't get too scared yet. Gotta be tough and kick life's butt because damn, it hates some people
I won't. I'm not scared too easily.
Lol... sounds like you gave that guy 1 too many chances...
love love love your mentality. Sounds like myself
@007-Tarzan Yes I did. Should have left long before the girl he had been cheating with got pregnant. Younger and really really stupid 😂
That's great! Hopefully everyone can have happy endings such as that
Well, hopefully things work out well. Life's full of uncertainties.But its definitely good to restart our sex life again.
And believe it or not, make out sex is POWER!!! Those were among the best I ever had.
I think you're onto something. It does seem pretty powerful
good for you. You deserve better anyways
All my ex boyfriend part form one a cheated.
Did all cheated part one
damn that sucks
The one guy only wanted short term relationship.
Damn. That's dark and sooooo me
Good for you! So caring for others and smart. Women will appreciate your expertise on that
That mean a lot to me
pissed you off how?
as in rejects me, dumps me, cheats, etc.
Good thing you know your worth👍
Fine by me
Good of you not to stand for that shit. It really shows the type of man you are to let go of her
Wow. Strong man to do that
for what reason?
She was the one person that I had the strongest feelings for so completely moving on from her is almost impossible.
Understandable. But moving on (for now) will prepare you later in life or maybe even something better. All good people deserve that
as the saying goes-----> If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be. Rely on that
I'm trying but it's extremely hard since either of us were in a good position before we started going out and it got worse before we broke up.
I can see how that'll be a problem. But overall, you love him and you guys could have had a real chance if you were in a good position from the beginning (I assume). However, replaying that in your head is not healthy. You have to move on and try to be happy, you deserve that. Waiting on him will only make you miserable. You're sooo young. Have fun (but not too much fun stds are serious). Do great in school, make new friends, go out, do teenage things, and enjoy life but always remember, there are consequences for bad actions so stay safe and treat others well (who deserve it)
Can't do teenage things because of family. Literally everyone I've talked to agrees how strict my family is when it comes to me.
Why would they agree?
My family has limited me so much that I can't be normal. While my friends can go places unsupervised and have fun knowing they aren't going to cause trouble, my mom says i need supervision and that if i want friends to go outside and make some (but all the kids my age in my area are troublemakers)
Why would she treat you that way?
No clue not like she'd tell me but then again ik i was an accident.
Well she definitely isn't worth your time. You deserve better
don't get me wrong she loves me but i can't leave anywhere
I wonder the same thing
you so deserve better
He was acting the same as my ex-boyfriends. My all lovers same.
Think about it*
lmao LOOVEEEEE that. Good for you. People who hurt us do not deserve favors
I'm the same way! Weird lol
She had anger issues and sexually assaulted me.
maybe you should report her?
I didn't want to start anything, just because she did something to me doesn't mean I have to ruin her life.
Aw that sucks. What happened? If you don't mind sharing
Hehe im the same way