We broke up and got back together, so why do I feel worst than I ever have?

Me and him have been dating for 3 years on and off, and during that time we've had a lot of ups and downs. Have had my heart broken a bunch of times by him, talked to other people, liked certain pictures, but never had sex with anyone else, yet I came back, maybe the first love idea. We smiled and laughed together a lot but argued still, but we still stayed together. Recently we got in a little argument and I found out that out of spite, he messaged a girl back on Instagram, got her number and all. I nearly had a panic attack and cried to my mom all night. Then a day later he told they even walked together that same night, said she wanted to have sex with him and she grabbed his dick and he grabbed her butt but nothing else happened. That broke me even more. Now we're back together, crazy, said he cut her off and was all lovey dovey on video chat today like nothing happened. But it hurts even more that I never gotten an apology and I can tell he isn't sorry like everything else he's ever done. Times when stuff happened before, I would cry and be sad and be swoon over him again when he acts treats me right, but unlike other times even after we made up today in his head, for 4 days straight my chest has been hurting still, I haven't ate cause i just don't have an appetite, and I haven't been able to sleep for a whole night without constantly waking up. Im depressed again and feel so sleepy. But once again we're back together and he said he can change if stuff changed with us. Why do I feel like this now but every single time something happened before I never felt like this? Did I get my heart broken one too many times by him and now it actually broke me? I dont even feel like myself anymore.
We broke up and got back together, so why do I feel worst than I ever have?
0
2
Add Opinion