What if the girl is still alive and still loves you, but you have disappointed her too much that she walked away just to tell you that you screwed up? Would you try to change, or let her go?
Whenever someone tries to tell you about yourself, you've gotta look at it objectively with an open mind. Because it is entirely possible you were the toxic one with the toxic traits, doesn't mean you have to be a toxic person. Do you honestly think you screwed up? There is nothing wrong with self improvement at all, we're always learning. It's very important to look at it from her point of view, if her reason for thinking or feeling a certain way is pretty fair then change. Hard to say without any examples. You don't have to let her go completely you can just say hey, I don't want things to end on bad terms. If she has a point then say look I did screw up, I thought about things from your perspective and you were right and I was wrong. Or move on. Either one, neither of them are wrong. If she's wrong, I would just plain move on. The idea here is to just not hurt yourself anymore than you have to.
In my case, my guy has been making couple of bad career decisions which puts his management skills to test (time, money and priorities) which he has none. So it caused the entire relationship to suffer. Spoke to him when we're still together and he didn't make any changes. Stepped away from him and he didn't make any changes in 1 month. He only realised how seriously I needed those changes by about the end of the 2nd month, but he's no longer confident if he can guarantee things will be different.
That sounds kinda sad but good that you stepped away! Kudos! 💪
Easier isn't always best. In fact the harder something is the better the reward. Plus there is counseling. Relationships take constant effort. It isn't like the movies. Taking the easy way out does nothing but ensure that whatever problems were yours, will simply follow you to the next relationship because you didn't take the time to learn and improve. Egos are not precious. Pride can be swallowed, failure cannot. Running away only creates more problems.
@Grobmate I ran back. In a way, I've swallowed some pride. I'm a work in progress.
And bravo to you. With all sincerity well done. I hope you both realise what you each have. Love should conquer all. Love be with you.
@Grobmate thank you so much for sending us love. It'll reach him too. And I want him to feel that blessing.
Makes the world go around. Humans pass water they don't walk on it, even those we love. There is nothing more important that we cannot take the time to learn and speak each other's language of love.https://youtu.be/doRMsjoDevYwww.google.com/.../The_5_Love_Languages.html%3Fid%3DZAibPekZIRoC%26printsec%3Dfrontcover%26source%3Dkp_read_button&ved=2ahUKEwjF2pnU-criAhUPWysKHdiUCO4Qzo4CKAAwAXoECAsQAg&usg=AOvVaw12VKKcSd1Numu3IdT2dA4NLove hard.
@Grobmate will do. Thanks!
@Grobmate honestly, that video to me, sounds like conditional love. Just finished viewing it and wanted to be honest with how it came off, to me.
It appears that way. It isn't conditional though. We each of has have a favourite way of recognising or feeling love. Men are from Mars, Women are from venus used to be the catchcry. Truth is we just each have 10 languages as a couple and finding them is key.This is particularly true for Men. Men love through actions, we are "doers". Women love to hear how much we love them and compliments. Men have to work hard on words of affirmation.
Conditional love would be "you don't love me unless I do this". The reality of a love language barrier is "damit I'm trying to show you how much I love you but it isn't sinking in!". "How can I make him/her feel my love?"
@Grobmate and what should a woman be working on to convey her love?
There is no correct answer to that, because it depends on your partner. We each have in us a bit of all 5 languages. But there is only ONE primary love language. You will need to evaluate with your partner. For example, several of those languages may tick a box for you. You might have been listening and nodding to several. Yet one of them... probably made you speechless and instantly held true to you above the others. It's the same for him.Think back to when you first met. What languages were there and which were predominent in both he and you. "I really loved it when he did _______". "He went all goofy and opened up when I did _______".Follow and PM me if you would like.
@Grobmate he confuses me.
Think back to the "feeling" of love. What did he do/say when you first felt love (not attraction), they aren't the same. Women are about 80% emotionally driven whrn it comes to love. They can scramble all day trying to find the right words and still fail to describe exactly how they feel in a way that guys (logically driven) will understand.It's like the dog on the Simpsons trying to understand Homer. Men read actions. How many times has he constantly nagged you in the past with "what's wrong?", or "what did I do?". When in reality... it was how he made you feel emotionally.
Easiest way would be to not fear being crazy. You are emotionally driven.https://youtu.be/mRN114Xp1FsActions will always be the strongest way to get into a guy to get his undevided attention. See.. each man emotionally inside is like a child. Emotions don't get let out of prison until they are needed. Like a toddler who gets hurt. He won't cry until he knows that his momma is definitely going to hear him. Men thrive on female chivalry. We love being taken care of (all of us). We love attention.Try sitting in front of him and stare into his eyes. Now you may need to hold his head still (and don't do it when he's watching the game). Then kiss him and then talk.
@Grobmate my insecurities are holding me back, from giving him the actions he needs. How do I get over that?
@Grobmate that's not geographically possible.
Like steve said. Embrace your crazy. Only thing you're insecure about is you darl. If he's fixed on your eyes... he's goin nowhere. You can be scared of being burned all you want hun but unless you go near the oven you're not roasting anything.Dare to dance and take the leap. Courage.
If you aren't near him... you gonna need to step it up. Gonna need to tell him your insecurities. His only job right then and there is to make you secure. Video conference. Tell him you want to look in his eyes. How far away is he?
@Grobmate that's part of the problem. I would love to look into his beautiful eyes and speak to him, but I just don't feel attractive enough for him. I did start opening up about some of my inadequacies and my insecurities, but then I don't know... I ran.To answer your question, we are on opposite sides of the world.
Well that's definitely gonna be rough. Do you have the fiscal means to go to him? Is he military or something similar?
@Grobmate I do not. From what he has shared with me, yes.
He sounds like a nice guy, though it's really worrying that you don't know all his details. Postings etc are usually shared completely.
@Grobmate what worries me, is I'm not really sure how he feels about me. What postings?
Well if he is military they post on a term. E. g. 3 month, 6 month or 12 month deployments. And you would definitely know where he is. Only one way to find out is to call him
@Grobmate I will call him. It would be lovely to hear his voice 😍
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Exactly.. would you tell her to leave you though?
Like, "please just leave me"
Nope i wouldn't tell her to leave since i'd like her back but also i cannot live waiting for someone who will never return to me again.
Any cheating involved? Or does it involve major changes you're not willing to do?