Why does this break up hurt so bad when I saw it coming?

+5Xper
A little bit of our back story is he was the boy in high school I couldn’t get enough of! I was 15 he was 16 when we first met. We started out just friends then eventually became friends with benefits. It was great until I developed feelings and he didn’t. I went on to build a family with a man that was a mutual friend of ours and spent the next 14 years with him. My life with him was hard, fun, sad and heartache. We were so young when we got together and I got pregnant only after 3 weeks of dating. Then about 3 years ago my husband passed away and Iv had a hard time coping with his sudden death and I’m not the same anymore. I suffer with depression and trust issues. I reconnected with my old high school friends with benefits. It was like we never stopped talking it was fun, we laughed, we joked, and it was great to feel happiness again and have my friend back. Then he went on to find a girlfriend and I stepped away to not interfere. That relationship didn’t last long and we were back taking. He told me he loved me and had a lot of feelings for me! I was scared, shocked and surprisingly felt the same way. We dated for a little over a year. In that time everything changed big time! He no longer acted like he wanted to hang out, he would ignore me for hours and I’m not one of those girls who sends text after text ( makes you look desperate and a little crazy! ) he all the sudden had to work all these crazy hours day after day, asked him to go swimming with me and my kids he said no, asked him to go to the movies with us he said no, I begged him to spend time with me, I asked him to move in cause he had expressed wanting to, he moved in a few pieces of clothes but never really came. I don’t know what happened! Now it’s 3 days since he left me. My heart hurts I’m devastated and he seems to not care at all! He’s already talking to someone else! I’m now left with all these questions I’ll never have answered. Did he ever really want or love me?
Why does this break up hurt so bad when I saw it coming?
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