Why does it hurt more when it’s your own fault that a relationship ends?

It’s %100 my fault and I know it. The full details are a story for another day but the short answer version is that I didn’t treat him very well. We got into a big fight this weekend and he told me he’s sick of fighting and wants to end it. I have been dealing with some issues that I’m in therapy for, so I’m working on it. I asked him if there was a chance to work it out once I work out my issues and he said if I wanted to work it out I have to contact him as he has been chasing after me the last few days with little response. I already know he’s probably not going to relent on this so it’s a lost cause even trying, but how do I get over the hurt. I did love him but I have a diagnosed case of PTSD and depression that make it extremely hard for me to trust anyone and I pushed him away. I know I’m not entitled to be hurt or cry as it was my fault but it’s so hard not to despite the fact. I’m so broken hearted right now and don’t even know how to heal. He treated me like a queen and I was horrible to him. I feel like a horrible person. All I ever wanted was to find someone to love but now I know I don’t deserve it. How do I move passed all the hurt?
Why does it hurt more when it’s your own fault that a relationship ends?
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