How can I recover from this?

Okay so basically my boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me with a random girl and he was the one who took my virginity away from me and He Had a STD that neither of us knew of. Call me crazy but before I knew him I thought he was the one. When he cried I was there for him and when he needed help I would provide. I would always please him sexually in bed and tbh I was never really satisfied in bed because he would always come to quickly but I loved him anyway. At the end of the summer I knew his favorite color was black and red and I wanted to get a promise ring for him that was black and red but then I saw text messages of him and another girl when I confronted him he said it was his cousin but I was so blinded by love to believe him. But later everything fell into place and when he admit it where along the story police got involved and stuff. And I was at home my mom explained everything. I just had a blank stare. I wasn't dumbfounded it was like I knew this would happen but I didn't prevent it. This happened months and I have been in therapy since middle school and they found it concerning that I never felt emotion to him cheating on me. Or that I expressed it and I was just emotionless but really I was stuck in my own head and possible didn't know how to react. It was like I was happy he cheated. He showed me the mistakes I made and how now to find someone like him though I feel bad for the other girl who probably doesn't know that he was tested positive for chlomiydia. I was able to get myself treated ofc. I believe all those lies , I couldn't cry or get angry. He was from a unstable home and his mother didn't work and my family hated him and I lost my families trust for him and this is what he did to me. I am still somewhat recovering, but instead of me dealing with it, I had dreams about it and let the dream play through and how I would've felt with it.
How can I recover from this?
2
1
Add Opinion