What am I doing to myself?

My ex boyfriend is also my best friend. I want nothing more than to marry him but I want nothing more than him to find real happiness. I have started helping him go to therapy because I know he wanted it but he was too scared (his past is messed up). He enjoyed in his way of saying it. We dated for a year and he was the best thing that happened to me. My therapist has told me to find the girl I was a year ago (happy and on top of the world) but I have put that to the side to make sure he grows as I can do that with ease. In the end, it does hurt me that he doesn't want me while he is in this state (broken). As if I am fixing him for another woman. Everything has been perfect minus him cheating (sending nudes and getting emotional invested) and him realizing how broken he actually is. We still live together, work together and treat our lives as if we were together minus sleeping in the same bed (still have sex). And he says that Im the best thing that has happen to him but he can't keep hurting me. I know he means well but I dont know what Im doing anymore and it hurts.
What am I doing to myself?
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