How do you stop wishing your ex the worst?

Like, it´s been 4 years now, when am I going to let go. Yes he made me miserable but he also made me the most happy anyone has made me. How do I stop looking through his twitter every now and then, or like stop thinking about him and like not want to kiss him when we "randomly" see eaach other at a club or somthing.
I do love him and every 6 months or so I crave him and we have a secret date and sometimes kiss or not, have sex or not. But now he has a serious girlfriend for more than a year and it´s been nearly 1 year since we haven´t kissed or done a secret date of ours. We held hands and nearly kissed though a few weeks ago in the middle of a club.
Don´t judge us I promise our story has been more intense than 97% of the population´s love stories, eerytime we lock eyes I think everyone realises the electricity we have still.
I don´t want to go back to him as a couple for many reasons like, he is immature, irresponsible, liar, shit I can´t think, he is just not what I want now, there are lots of things I got on my list since him, character wise, in order to have a healthy long term relationship, and he doesn´t tick any. Only that he used to cherish me, he made me laugh 110% of the time, we had fun talks all day long, we were all over each other, but thats nice for a baby relationship. It´s def not enough for an adult relationship, we also have different goals and incopatible so there is no question on like, getting back together because, no.
I just want to feel again for someone. And meanwhile I can´t help myself but to partially hate him or be jealous because he has a girlfriend and he loves her, and I don´t have anyone. And the reason why I don´t like anyone enough to be my boyfriend is because of all the trauma and depresion our relationship did to me. That is also a reason why it bothers me to see him happy.
How do you stop wishing your ex the worst?
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