Should I or shouldn’t I?

Cut a long story short , broke up with my ex beginning of September, it was a bad break up I lost my job and lied to him about it ! I didn’t want to tell him until I was ready but he found this out by coming to my house and sitting and waiting to see if I leave ! Obviously I was upset over this and the argument was bad ! I became worried because we was together 5 months I wanted to know if he was the dangerous type because he had guns ! I contacted his ex she asked to meet me I did she told me she wouldn’t think he was a danger to me which put me at ease they have kids together she asked he if was ever horrible to there children I said no ! She promised she wouldn’t tell him about us meeting but she did ! She told him if he ever sees me again she will stop him seeing the kids ! Which is unfair! It hurt me because I only wanted to know if my ex was capable of doing something to me because I have children. Things got worse now he hates me so much and blocked me on everything, thing is I can’t stop thinking about him I love him still , we was good together I saw a future he told me he was in love with me and before it ended he said he loves me but hates me at the same time , I did a silly thing I saw a women following him on Instagram I contacted her and obviously she told him he texted calling me phycho now I feel like an absolute fool I’m ashamed of myself he blocked me after. I really want to talk to him for closure I don’t like ending things on bad terms and I do love him so much I thought about writing a letter or?
Should I or shouldn’t I?
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