Dating when you can't function around men?

I'm a divorced single mom, my ex was abusive and cheated endlessly no matter how hard I tried to be what he wanted. He cheated with many women I considered friends, including a pastor's wife, and is a deadbeat today. My kids are young teens and have been begging for a stepdad for years. I've only dated a couple times and ended each one because I couldn't get past the anxiety of getting hurt again. I've been called cold and standoffish by men, but I can't help it, it's become a reflex for me. I don't know how to be myself around men, I shut down whether in groups or by ourselves. I've been in therapy and we're working on healing even though it's been 10 years. I'm perfectly content being alone, but my kids want a dad and I would love to find someone to fill that role. I've been told the right man will be patient and allow me to move slowly and won't give up on me, but no luck so far so I'm questioning this theory. Anyone been through similar or have advice on overcoming it all so I can find a good man for my kids?
Dating when you can't function around men?
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