How do I talk to my boyfriend about my ex?

I've told my boyfriend briefly about my ex, I hate talking it because it means going back to one of the hardest times of my life. I'm sure worst thing will happen I'm only 21 but it really effected me negatively for 3 years up till the age of 19 to 21.

It was a very on and off, toxic, cruel relationship obviously it didn't start off that way but it was bouth are flaut it got that way. we were both so young and immature. We never admitted are ture feelings for each other and he treated me badly in front of his friends.

Looking back now I see clearly my ex had some serious issues, he's has Adhd but he also said he thinks he may have spilt personality disorder. A while back he was posting stuff about depression on Facebook, positive things. He looked like he was getting his life back together and comforting his issues.

Recently I was told by a friend of his, he wasn't doing well and had tried to kill himself. He was always talking about how he wasn't afraid of death when we were together and he wanted to die young. I'd tell him how stupid and selfish that was and that he had people who cared about him.

I don't want anything to do with him anymore but the idea of him killing himself scares me so much. I haven't told my boyfriend anything about this, all I've told him is that he's mentally unstable. He doesn't know why I've been acting strange lately, sometimes I just keep drifting off imagining his funeral and his poor mum crying. I don't want my boyfriend to feel jealous or concerned about me thinking and about him and caring after how bad he treated me.

I love my boyfriend so much and I don't want him to feel bad or uncomfortable that I'm worried about my ex. My ex was my first love and we had some special moments between us when he wasn't making me feel worthless in front of people. He's apart of who I am now, most of him is why I have confidence and trust issues but I just know the idea of killing himself makes me feel physically sick and scared.
How do I talk to my boyfriend about my ex?
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