Covert narcissist- heartbroken?

My ex and I have broken up after 4 years. In the last year I identified he was a narcissist but more hidden to outsiders so more of a covert. The difficult thing is I tried to make it work. I adored him, I still do. But I have to accept I need to let go. He could be the most loveliest person who I had a strong connection with but then he’d turn into someone I didn’t know anymore. Always wanting to punish and control me. Has anyone come out the other side of the abuse cycle they put you through? I’m struggling so much
Covert narcissist- heartbroken?
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