How do you not be bitter anymore?

Anonymous
I feel like once you become bitter it’s hard to come back from it. Being bitter doesn’t make me a bad person or deserving of the things that happened to me. But I was basically in love with a guy who rebounded from another relationship with me against my knowledge. He started to act different and I tried to keep us together but realized I was fighting for us by myself so I ended things. He came back and begged for a second chance and I gave him one but he eventually ghosted me (for another girl I later found out). I tried very very hard not to hate him. I don’t hate him. But I feel like I need closure. I know what everyone says -closure is overrated. And that’s why I tried not to reach out to him again to ask him why he did what he did. But without any answers, it was up to me to fill in the blanks.
And the only thing that didn’t make me hate myself was accepting that he was a fuck boy. That he never deserved my love and that I was stupid to love him. That kind of thinking put all the blame on him and I struggled to accept some of that blame but I couldn’t move on when I blamed myself. When I felt like it was my fault, I felt stuck and even like deserved to be hurt. But when i shifted the majority of the blame onto him I felt better. As you can probably tell, I never really got over the situation fully. I don’t know how because I’m still trying to juggle with who was right, who was wrong, and who deserved what. I don’t want to be bitter anymore. I want to forgive and forget but it’s so hard. Even when I try to resist thinking about the situation I have dreams about my ex (some good some bad). I am currently talking to a guy but I still feel like I’m hurting from my past
How do you not be bitter anymore?
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