I finally found the words to describe how my ex treated me. I was emotionally invalidated, which means that I was always made to feel like my feelings weren’t important. Throughout the relationship he would often call me sensitive for reacting to how he treated me. I felt like I was the problem because I would “overreact” by getting mad at the things that upset me. When he ghosted me after a year I always wondered if he cared, if it bothered him that he had hurt someone he claimed to love. I even rationalized what he did as well as I could in my mind. I told myself that just because he acted like he loved me and then wanted to leave doesn’t mean that was a bad thing. I told myself that he was SUPPOSED to treat me well in the beginning because you are supposed to be good to the person your with. It doesn’t necessarily make it an act just because someone changes their mind. Maybe I did stuff that made him realize he didn’t actually love me. But no matter how you slice it, I simply couldn’t rationalize how he treated me unless I accepted that I didn’t mean SHIT to that man. Like I had to have meant nothing, my feelings meant nothing, my looks meant nothing-like the guy I loved saw me as basically worthless. That damaged my self esteem so badly and made me think that love was pointless. If I could love someone who thought I was so beneath them that I wasn’t even worth treating with respect then what was the point of falling in love in the first place. So I rejected every man who asked me out for the next 2 years because I was afraid of it failing. I finally accepted that yeah, he felt like that about me. But I need to get over it and learn to love myself correctly. I think the only way to do that is to just treat him as if he never existed-but he did. How do I heal?