So I may have fucked up. Boyfriend left me so I reached out to my ex boyfriend?

My boyfriend left me after 3 years. His way of leaving me was saying that he hated his life and wanted to die so he resents having to work to help support the household. He packed his stuff and walked. I called him and asked him to be 100% honest with me and if he had any intention of coming back. He said "I never planned to come back". I dont know if he said it out of anger, because I was really upset when he left and down his throat asking why. I know I shouldn't have been like that when he needed space. So, being as hurt and confused as I was hearing him say he didn't plan on coming back, I blocked him off social media so he couldn't creep my profile and then reached out to my ex boyfriend of 9 years.

I expected my ex to shrug me off because of how we ended things but he instantly said "Is this really happening? I have missed you so much that it hurts sometimes." We have been talking ever since and a huge part of me misses him too. He was the love of my life and now I'm in such a fucked up position because my boyfriend (or ex, whatever) got ahold of me last night and said "I'm just going to stay away from you for a week and see how I feel afterwards. Does that sound reasonable? I feel like maybe quarantine has made me lose it."

He has never been vocal about what's going on with him and won't talk to me at all until he eventually blows up. My ex is the complete opposite and never holds back what he is feeling so it's a breath fresh air but I dont know what to do.

I want to cry. But I won't. Not infront of my kids. Any advice would be helpful.
So I may have fucked up. Boyfriend left me so I reached out to my ex boyfriend?
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