Why am I having a hard time with this breakup although I think it’s for the best?

Anonymous
I recently went through a break up. I was the one who chose to separate. He did not want to. However, he has constantly been cheating and I keep finding out. I know I deserve better. I know I don’t want to deal with this type of disrespect. But why am I still having a hard time? I don’t know if it’s because his reaction was just so nonchalant and he came off as if it didn’t matter if we were together. I don’t know if it’s like a psychological mind trick and now I want him more. I literally want to reach out and just tell him how much I love him. But then I feel stupid. what is wrong with me? Why is this so hard?
Why am I having a hard time with this breakup although I think it’s for the best?
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