I just had my heart broken for the first time. I am 20 year old female who was in a relationship with a man who is 34. He was my first love, and I would have done anything for this man. I thought he was my future husband. He was like my Prince Charming when we first met. He treated me better than any other man. I moved in with him towards the beginning of the year. That is when everything changed. He would get annoyed by the littlest things I did. Such as leaving the bathroom counter slightly open. I began to see his “other side.” He had quite a temper. He started to push me around when we would argue. The last argument we had was the worst. He gave me a black eye. I found out that he was cheating, and seen a video of him fucking another girl in his phone. I am so heartbroken, I do not know what to do. My family moved out of the state recently. The only family I have here is my older sister and her husband. Which I now moved back in with them. Which is making me depressed. I am thankful to have them, but they have mice and there house is very dirty. I hate my life now. I am depressed and feel suicidal. Every time my life seems to be getting better, it only gets worse. I’m tired of pretending that I’m okay, when I am not. I made a police report for my black eye, but because I made the report 9 days later they did nothing about it. I know that he hates me now, because he blocked my number. He is also a police officer himself. I am still so hurt, and nothing is making me feel better. He was supposed to take me out the country for the first time at the end of the month. Now I know he is going to take some other girl. I can not get him out of my head or stop dreaming of him. I feel sick to my stomach everyday I wake up. My life went to being so good with him. Before him I was depressed, and I do not have a good relationship with my family. Now I am even more depressed. I really sincerely just want to die. I am tried of enduring this pain.
I already had trust issues, now they are even worse. I can only think to find sugar daddies now. So that I can make enough money to move out. That is something I do not want to do, but I do not want to stay at my sisters house. Either way I am fucked, and will end up being depressed. I emailed him and told him I had a miscarriage. And sent a video of the embryo. He didn’t even respond, and he is the only person I told. He also did not know I was pregnant. But I hoped he would at least ask me if
I hoped he would at least ask me if I am okay. Even though he hurt me so bad, he is the only person I want to be around right now. I am fucked up mentally so bad right now.