How to break up with a cheater after months of deciding to forgive them?

Anonymous
Sorry I’m sure many people will think this answer is easy but I’ve been tied down with a girl for a year & a half and I thought we were in love but I caught her cheating twice (once before it could happen & once in physically), the first time was last Halloween, she was talking to a guy for three days before Halloween and he invited her to stay the night in his hotel room & she accepted his request. The second time (same guy) was on New Years I showed up to her house really late (4am) cause I had worked late & she answered the door in her underwear & a t-shirt and weirdly wouldn’t let me in and then I seen the same guy walk to the door in his underwear.

I’m still emotionally scared, I still loved her both times during & after the fact. But it’s been a year since the first time & 9 months since the second time. I’m sitting very mad about it but I can’t talk about it & never really have been able to talk to her about it because the times I do she turns it around on me and gets mad at me for confronting her about it & often times it leads to her putting on the water works, saying “it was a long time ago”, hitting me, attacking me, just leaving because she doesn’t want to talk about it or threatening to kill herself because I want to talk about it, but I’m confused & have no clarity & for the longest time that’s all I wanted because I felt not good enough, gross & foolish (as I am). And all that being said she still denies everything. The reason I stayed is because I still loved her & she said she was going through mental health issues & I felt obligated to stay because I loved her and wanted her to get better.

I’ve felt pretty worthless for the past year, the sex has been so much worse but I’ve only recently started to lose attraction. I want to break up with her, I don’t know if I have the confidence to do so, I also don’t want to hurt her & I really need advice from somewhere because I’m having a really bad crisis & I don’t know what to do.
How to break up with a cheater after months of deciding to forgive them?
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