Guys, I am dealing with a breakup during the pandemic, I miss him a lot and want him to reach out to me. I’m blocked on everything?

Anonymous
Recently my boyfriend blocked me on everything, he has done this so many times over the course of the relationship that I start to expect it. We fight constantly mostly he says he can’t let go of my past, I don’t have a “PAST” I’m a bartender or was until I was laid off for the last 9 months. I also had a party girl past but he has slept with probably 5 times as many people as I have. For the last 4 months the conversations were getting more infrequent and we would see each other less. He would be so hostile when he would come over, mind you this has been happening for years. I spent Christmas alone and New Years eve alone because of the pandemic and he is the only person who has been in my house. I began to feel like I was being used, I was only touched when we had sex, he would just stare at me with these eyes of hate. I lost my temper and I told him he was a manipulative farm animal, that I hated him for dragging on the breakup and telling me I love you and then continuing to treat me like a fuck buddy. I’m at the most vulnerable moment of my life, I lost both jobs, patiently hoping I can go back soon, I’m financially and mentally hanging on by a string, and I have never felt such loneliness. He often uses manipulative tactics like to block me online and show up at my door. He blocked me after I said mean things, I don’t want to message him, but I would have hoped that I deserved a face to face breakup. My heart is broken and there is nothing left for me to clean in this house and I just want him to reach out and end it with me like a human and not leave me in limbo, will he show up, will he message two weeks later like he always does. I’m so depressed with this pandemic and I don’t have it in me left to go running after him, which is what he is used to. What are the chances he will reach out, why would he hide behind a block button, how can I get him to reach out to me.
Guys, I am dealing with a breakup during the pandemic, I miss him a lot and want him to reach out to me. I’m blocked on everything?
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