If you had a bitter divorce from the mother/father of your children, would you insist for your children to respect them anyways?

[1Anon]

A child should respect both parents until a time when a parent does something so awful toward the child where it would be unconscionable to respect them. No matter what happened between the parents, their negative experiences should not not negatively affect the relationship the child has with both parents. A child deserves to be loved by both parents and the child should not be subjected to the negative issues that occurred between the parents. It’s going to be difficult but the child has to come first.

[ChrisMaster69]

The word insist is wrong, you can’t insist, that’s an order, it leaves no room for manoeuvre, it’s a yes no.

With any break up it’s the choice of the child and parents should not overtly influence it either way.

They can suggest, explain reasons why things are as they are.

When parents break up you can and do blame both and then one then the other but that’s simply your feelings having an outlet.

Removing the parent side of things.

Two of your friends have a huge argument about a girl, they get in to a fight and no longer talk.

Do you let one insist you show respect to the other, or do you make your own decisions on how you will handle it?

[Anon621]

I personally would not insist my children to do anything I would tell them my side of the story openly and encourage my ex spouse to do the same but I understand that emotions can influence someone's opinion about others so it is their decision to be honest. I would also encourage my children to be respectful and to openly listen to my ex spouse's side of the story as well because its something most kids don't understand or that kids can potentially be influenced by later in life about loyalty potentially but I would tell my kids to not let my own decisions affect who they want to be.

[usedaname]

even bad and crazy people have a right to parenthood, so if they make any effort to be in the childs life then let them, if its a messy divorce then feelings are hurt and that needs to be made clear to the kids and try to express the pain in the best way possible (as in, don't get revenge)
that being said, yes teach respect as tolerance because that is the highest form of respect and it doesn't mean anyone needs to compromise any integrity
(Im currently going through this and their dad is doing less than the bare minimum, raising someone elses kids and being highly manipulative)
respect your childs pain, acknowledge your own, keep moving forward

[SphynxUK]

I wouldn’t say my divorce was bitter, but things are now, regarding the assets.
I’ve always insisted the children maintain good contact with him.

I cannot stand the man, but I don’t bad mouth him in front of our children. They are old enough to see him for what he is anyway.

[KeiaYamada]

It depends. If the bitter divorce was due to something that's just between us, then hell yeah I'd try my best to defend their other parent, wouldn't be fair on my ex if I ruined their relationship with our child due to our issues.
However, if the bitter divorce was due to the other parent being a complete and utter POS, such as they are a child abuser, then no, I wouldn't try to make sure the child respects them.
In the end though, if a child respects their parent is entirely up to them.

[RagnarRedbeard]

Yeah I would. When you talk shit about the other parent you’re only damaging your children further. Once they grow up the kids will make their own minds up anyway, they don’t need to know about the circumstances or anything like that while they’re young. They don’t need the stress.

[leilak]

I don't know whether i would but my parents had a very messy divorce. my dad was a dick and honestly lost his right to call himself my father in my eyes. regardless of the pain he caused my mom, she always told me to treat him with respect and be nice because at the end of the day he’s my father. she never forces me to talk to him or do anything i don’t want but she says if i ever do, then make sure i’m not being a bitch

[Truthbewithyou]

I think your mom is right. You should respect your father. However, I wouldn't entertain her talking bad about him either. She has to be the example for you. So if you are to respect him, she shouldn't be bad mouthing him around you.

[jgokgotit]

Absolutely. If I had children, my grudge with an ex has nothing to do with the fact that she is their mother and it took both of us to give them life. Also, it does harm to children to see their parents at each others' throats, especially if they love both parents. Also, if you do not teach children to respect the other parent, it shows them they can choose which authority figures to listen to in life, which is not how life works.

[MillenniumBill]

Tough call here. Separate parents should be respectful of each other and not use children as pawns under any circumstances. But at same time parents should make children aware of why they got divorced and frame it properly age and maturity appropriate. Whether that's done by either or both is case-by-case. NEVER put kids in middle for ANY reason.

[Dragonpurple]

The bigger issue is children tend to take sides and if they hear one parent badmouthing the other (little ears hear a lot of things.) They tend to follow that same opinion, it would be kind of silly to help them form that opinion then tell them to respect the other person.

[andreasderjuengere]

After my divorce, the ex was not longer a topic. She was somewhat excluded (as a factor) in the conversations that I had with my kids. If they mentioned her, I would just not fully respond or take a position.
But that only increased the hate I received from that side :)

[AdithyaR]

Unless they did something really morally messed up, I wouldn't say anything to taint my child's mind. Even if it was her cheating, I would ask them to be respectful of her and they can make up their own minds.
If we divorced cause she did some horrible crime then I'd tell them not to associate themselves with her.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in a similar situation with my mother expect she’s still married to my dad although I often wonder if a divorce would of been best. She was raised in an abusive (sometime violent) family and all she has done was try to recreate the same dynamic in my family. I’m furious with her but my dad constantly tries to enforce her bs even though deep down he knows she’s often wrong.

[electromagnetic]

Just because we didn’t workout, doesn’t mean I’m going to allow my children to suffer. I’m willing to put aside our animosity so the sake of the children.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely no. I am the one carrying that child in my womb and giving birth her/him. Also, if I hated and disliked her/his father, I would tell my child that her/his father is a bad and disgusting father and that I am only me of the best parent for her/him.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

I never understood why we respect the opinions or feelings of jerks. My dad was a jerk, I won't say otherwise just to respect the dead. It doesn't change that he was a jerk.

[rainbowbi]

yes. your mother hates him because he wasn't good for her blah blah blah but it doesn't mean that he is a bad father to you . you should respect him

[ObscuredBeyond]

Depends on what she did that led to the divorce. Though I'd be curious how I'm even having a kid at this point , or getting married.

[slatyb]

Benn there. Mostly I just didn't talk with my child about their mother unless they brought it up.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, they should still respect the other parent unless that other parent does something extremely bad that would make them lose that respect

[jernbean4]

Yes because she is his bio mother.
No because she is nuts and the fact she is a woman. Yeah that was a gender specific issue and sexist but Idgaf!
Always respect your parents period, whether in your life or not.

[craigdenim]

Of course. My ex-wife will always be their mom, and should always be treated with respect. Its up to the other parent to keep the bitterness and hatred away they feel towards the ex from the children. Othereise just being a hypocrite.