I was an abusive ass hole toward my now ex girlfriend and I wasn’t proud of it. What I’m about to say is just gonna sound like a lame excuse but it’s far from a lie but, I couldn’t control it. I wanted to stop and I didn’t want to treat her the way that I did but violence is all I know. I watched my mom get beaten bad by her “man” plenty of times as a child. I even remember seeing her in a hospital bed severely beaten and almost unrecognizable at a young age. How am I suppose to know how to treat a woman when I grew up seeing my mother being treated so viciously by a man? and it doesn’t help that my mom and I fight and argue like strangers on the street. My environment has always been toxic and I brought it into my relationship and she didn’t deserve it. She’s the sweetest, most honest and caring girl I ever met. I planned on spending the rest of my life with her and now I lost her for good this time. She’s leaving town because of me. That was the last thing she texted me. She didn’t even bother to block me. She Just cut off her location and stopped responding. For all I know she’s long gone by now. I pushed her so far into her breaking point and l never wanted to. My past made me angry and abusive and I never got help for it and it was so many times she was willing to help me get help and I never buckled down on actually attempting to see a therapist or go to rehab etc. I just continued to hurt her badly. She never even called the cops on me. She stayed by my side hoping for change for so long and I took that for granted and now she’s gone.