Breakup: will he come back?

Question

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. Recently he’s been planning our engagement, but in the last month he’s been picking on my every little flaw. Even sometimes things that shouldn’t matter. Then in a bar we were in an argument drunk and he broke up with me. He keeps saying he would consider getting back together if I proved that I’ve changed (become more social), but he’s known me for 5 years and loved me through this. Should I do the no contact rule? Should I do the no contact rule except for sending him snaps of me being social? Do you think he may come back?

Answer 1

abc3643 | 571 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Master

Why The No Contact Rule Won't Get Your Ex Back ↗

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abc3643

1 y
Frankly, don't bother. This is his problem, not yours. He needs to love you for who you are, not for who he wants you to be. If he can't deal with who you are then he doesn't really love you... and you have to change to appease him, sooner or later, you are going to resent or hate him because you feel that you are not free to be you all because of him.
abc3643

1 y
... And that's exactly what you need to tell him:

>>> That he needs to love you for who you are, not for who he wants you to be.
If he can't accept who you are, then it's over. Period.
Curious4589

1 y
I’m going to ask you a follow-up I asked the other commenter. I’m not ignoring him I’m just trying to wait until he texts me. The last thing that happened is we were texting and he said “do you want to keep talking or do you want me to leave you alone?” And I said “I want some space to do my own thing” and he said that’s understandable. It’s been 3 days now and usually we text all day nonstop. How long should I wait?
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abc3643

1 y
You've waited enough. And, yes, you were doing no contact.

The bottom line with no contact is that it is the opposite of advertising.
When you are actively in someone's life, they will be reminded that you exist and think about you.
When you are not actively in someone's life, they will be reminded of the other people that ARE actively in their life and think about them - and not about you.

No contact means giving your replacement an easier and shorter time to replace you.

Answer 2

abc3643

Frankly, don't bother. This is his problem, not yours. He needs to love you for who you are, not for who he wants you to be. If he can't deal with who you are then he doesn't really love you... and you have to change to appease him, sooner or later, you are going to resent or hate him because you feel that you are not free to be you all because of him.

Answer 3

abc3643

... And that's exactly what you need to tell him:

>>> That he needs to love you for who you are, not for who he wants you to be.
If he can't accept who you are, then it's over. Period.

Answer 4

Curious4589

I’m going to ask you a follow-up I asked the other commenter. I’m not ignoring him I’m just trying to wait until he texts me. The last thing that happened is we were texting and he said “do you want to keep talking or do you want me to leave you alone?” And I said “I want some space to do my own thing” and he said that’s understandable. It’s been 3 days now and usually we text all day nonstop. How long should I wait?

Answer 5

abc3643

You've waited enough. And, yes, you were doing no contact.

The bottom line with no contact is that it is the opposite of advertising.
When you are actively in someone's life, they will be reminded that you exist and think about you.
When you are not actively in someone's life, they will be reminded of the other people that ARE actively in their life and think about them - and not about you.

No contact means giving your replacement an easier and shorter time to replace you.

Answer 6

Fineasa

Xper 1

Oh c'mon, why should you be the one to apologize? Let him make the first move, see what he does. If he really loves you, then he will automatically come back to you or maybe even apologize to you. I just wanna say that don't put all the blame on yourself. I mean, like, show him what's he is missing.

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Curious4589

1 y
Do you think based on the situation with us being together for so long and him being under a lot of stress and planning an engagement and picking on everything, this may just be cold feet and he’ll come back?
Fineasa

1 y
I don't know why he even broke up with you if he has been planning the engagement. Maybe he was under a lot of stress and he didn't think clearly and I am sure he is regretting. You guys have been together for bout 5 years and its just not okay to break it off things like that. And yeah, if he really really loves you, he will foesure come back !
Curious4589

1 y
Thanks, so based on what both of you said, should I text him since you both said no contact rule is dumb?
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Fineasa

1 y
Wait, no, I didn't say that. See if he texts you first. at least wait for a few days if you can. And if that's not possible, the go ahead and text him.
Fineasa

1 y
then*
Curious4589

1 y
Okay I’ll wait. The last thing that happened is we were texting and he said “do you want to keep talking or do you want me to leave you alone?” And I said “I want some space to do my own thing” and he said that’s understandable. It’s been 3 days now and usually we text all day nonstop. How long should I wait?
Fineasa

1 y
You want some space, then take all your time. Its your choice, what you feel and all. If you thing that you are ready, then just text him back or go talk to him. It's entirely up to you. All the best !

Answer 7

Curious4589

Do you think based on the situation with us being together for so long and him being under a lot of stress and planning an engagement and picking on everything, this may just be cold feet and he’ll come back?

Answer 8

Fineasa

I don't know why he even broke up with you if he has been planning the engagement. Maybe he was under a lot of stress and he didn't think clearly and I am sure he is regretting. You guys have been together for bout 5 years and its just not okay to break it off things like that. And yeah, if he really really loves you, he will foesure come back !

Answer 9

Curious4589

Thanks, so based on what both of you said, should I text him since you both said no contact rule is dumb?

Answer 10

Fineasa

Wait, no, I didn't say that. See if he texts you first. at least wait for a few days if you can. And if that's not possible, the go ahead and text him.

Answer 11

Fineasa

then*

Answer 12

Curious4589

Okay I’ll wait. The last thing that happened is we were texting and he said “do you want to keep talking or do you want me to leave you alone?” And I said “I want some space to do my own thing” and he said that’s understandable. It’s been 3 days now and usually we text all day nonstop. How long should I wait?

Answer 13

Fineasa

You want some space, then take all your time. Its your choice, what you feel and all. If you thing that you are ready, then just text him back or go talk to him. It's entirely up to you. All the best !

Breakup: will he come back?

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