How do you forgive yourself?

jamiematt
I found in my last relationship, she was leading me on for 6 months, I wanted to leave without hurting her, but then she started rubbing in my face how much she loved this other guy. Thing is even when I found out I was just a toy, I wanted to quit right then, but her Mother died and my heart just couldnt allow it. Next 6 months, I lost my mental, emotional and physical health. I tried to talk to her regarding this 3rd man, and how it hurt me, but she was totally defensive of him. I couldnt believe after sacrifising my everything, she changed sides so quick. I tried to go away, but she said sorry, and then that she didn't need to understand anything. It flipped my switch, I told her everything and was a bit rude also as i said she was playing with me and running after him, and also that she didn't win breaking me, as her relationship with that man also broke. I feel terrible hurting someone on their failed relationship. I apologized to her, and she also, she wanted me to be her brother. I didn't want to, I left. She still haunts my dreams and Im unable to be happy. Please help.
How do you forgive yourself?
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