Why can’t I move on?

So my relationship ended because I cheated 😪, shouldn’t have , I was young and that was the 2nd guy I ever been intimidate with (my then boyfriend)... we actually loved each. We broke up over it, our family got involved but now I just can’t really get over him after I have dated other people and none of this relationship would work out, just never found anyone with a good connection. Now i just can’t find courage to tell him how I feel, if he wouldn’t want the relationship back, I think even that would just let me accept what is and be better able to move on 😩. So
Why can’t I move on?
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