Why are more people willing to approach me on campus after I let myself go?

After gaining about 10 lbs and spending less time on my hair and makeup before classes, I find that more people are willing to be friendly to me on campus and approach me.

When I was 15 lbs lighter and actually put effort into my outfits in the morning, it seemed like less people approached me in school.

I always thought that the more prettier you get, the more friends you have, but for me it seems like the more I dress casually, the more people tend to be friendly to me and approach me.

Does it mean the more average looking you are the more you attract people? It doesn't make any sense!

Anybody else notice the same thing? Why is this happening to me?

Updates:
then what do I benefit from dressing up and working out?

getting more shallow people attracted to me?

from now on, I should probably base how attractive I am based on the lack of approaches I'm getting, lol...
So basically you people are saying avg or below avg people are more likely to be approached in general?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • i don't know if you are talking about guys approaching you or people in general, so I'm just gonna assume you meant guys. just my personal preference/observation: every girl I know that says she is where she wants to be in terms of weight/size is ALWAYS too skinny and for my ideal I would add about 20lbs to all of them. on the contrary, every girl that I know that is super hot in terms of weight/size, all they do is bitch and moan about wanting to lose 30lbs. Basically it works like this: a GIRLS idea of hot (in terms of a girl) is paris hilton, kate moss, taylor swift, etc. a GUYS idea of what is hot is beyonce, jennifer lopez, demi lovato, etc. I can't speak for the whole planet earth, but this is the case for me and all of my friends (male and female). so what you are probably getting a response to is that you are more what guys are attracted to instead of the impaired olsen self image of what most girls see when they look at themselves. it don't mean you have to stop working out. in fact working out makes this even better. but most girls don't know how. they need to not be scared to LIFT WEIGHTS. muscle (not fat) makes curves. you don't make muscle by walking on a treadmill and going to a spin class or yoga class.

    as far as the makeup: same as I mentioned before, most girls that I know that come walking out of the bathroom after getting ready have on WAY too much makeup. I would like to scrape about 3/4 of that makeup off and leave it in the bathroom sink. but they think they look good. I think they look like the joker from batman.

    I don't think the outfits have anything to do with it. certainly putting thought into your wardrobe isn't going to bump you down in attractiveness to guys. but being too skinny and wearing a lot of makeup will.

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What Guys Said 12

  • This is a classic, but what happens here is, your not intimidating and your not looking for attention, your coming across as confident without the over confident sway, so people are seeing you as approachable and not to much of a high maintenance kinda girl, it basically falls on attitude and personality, you have dropped the "I'm pretty look at me" attitude and replaced it with, " I have a nice personality, why not come over and see" and yes, pretty is nnot all that these days, its gone passed that and now and beauty is no longer skin deep, that's for shallow people, but most people go deeper for real beauty, xx

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    • So how do I reslly know if soembody is approaching me because I'm pretty? Lol

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    • You will know when they approach just because your pretty because your talents will give you that gut feeling of like you have just walked out of a freezer and your not quite warmed up by their hit, or if your that pretty they can't but help but hit on you, you will know this because your eyes will look upwards and your heart won't skip a beat,xxx

    • What the...

  • I would say that when you let your proverbial hair down, you come off as more relaxed and approachable and honest, so people just want to engage you in conversation more. Otherwise you're like a beautiful work of art behind 2 inches of bulletproof glass in the Louvre. Everyone admires you but no one would dare touch you.

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  • No average women are not more attractive. When I notice a really attractive girl I figure they have tons of guys after them so there's no point in pursuing them. Maybe you have more confidence dressed down or act more presentable.

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    • ditto, I agree!

    • definitely not more confident, I actually look more miserable...of course not more confident...how can you be more confident when you have on your worst clothes that you randomly picked out from your closet and when you're aware that you've gained some weight?

    • When I dress up and I feel like more women are looking at me and sometimes may feel uncomfortable. By more confidence I meant you may feel more relaxed and just blending in better.

  • Less intimidating. When you look awesome, a lot more guys will assume you've got a boyfriend, would never go for them, etc. When you look like a slob, they assume that they've got a decent chance.

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    • welll its not guys that approach me, its more of the girls that do...

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    • actually that's not true either...i think I was mostly average looking either way but I had a small number of guys interested. it seems like now, though, most guys approach me easily when they really need help like directions and homework and stuff, but not really for a conversation...it's like its easier to use a less attractive girl

    • Less intimidating. I told you.

  • No, being average does not make you to attract people, but...

    I think it's so damn obvious what kind of body any guy finds attractive to a girl! Still many girls have been misled into thinking ''thinner - prettier" know this - nobody likes a skeleton!

    No matter how goodie or sleazy is the guy - all of us like big boobs and nice booty!

    High mainentance or too much time in front of the mirror can and will backlash to you, as it happened. Still guys check you out, but don't approach! Why?

    Because they automatically suspect that:

    "if you wear brand clothes or superclassy clothes and accessories, it also means that you are bitchy, greedy, heartless gold-digger!"

    Even if you're not!

    Dressing more casually makes you seem more friendly, laid-back and more easy-going. Guys don't feel that much pressure than before so they approach

    Gotta tell that cold-approaching a high-mainentance girl requires a guy to prepare a PLAN how to act and what to say and to execute it perfectly, and in the case of any slighest error he must prepare himself to be mercilessly humiliated in the public!

    Nobody wants to go through that, especially if that girl even have no boobs!

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    • well I wasn't really referring to approached made by guys. even if I dress down these days, they still don't approach me (Rarely). most often, it is the girls that approach me...(for friendships)

    • The same about girls, nobody wants to befriend a stuck-up snob! Unless they are those already.

      Dressing more cozy and mundane makes you seem to be more friendly.

  • So you are saying that people who don't waste a lot of time or money on their outward appearance are below average? Can you say "shallow"? If you met a blind person would you consider them below average? Is there any part of you that would be attractive to some one who can't see?

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  • I find casual, relaxed people to be much more attractive. When I see some one who spends a lot of time on their appearance I tend to think of them as more snobby and intimidating, not some one I would want to hang around with.

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  • LOL it is quite true.. people that look good and dress to impress tend to give off the vibe of stuck up and being annoying. General the more casual you loo the more approachable you are.

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    • really? so people should stop caring about their appearances to gain more friends? lol

      is it the same with guys then? are they more willing to approach casual looking girls? lol

  • Pretty girls are hard to get. When you go all out and get enough friends, just lose your weight again. Sneaky. :D

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  • when you dress more causally you look more approachable

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  • Since you've "let yourself go" you might have also changed your demeanor unconsciously. May be your face looks more relaxed, your posture less rigid etc...

    I don't think it's just the look but the overall personality you project must have changed. Overall you give a more receptive image of yourself.

    I bet if you lose back the weight, go back to a more polished look but keep that cooler and relaxed attitude just as many people will approach you.

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    • Regarding your update. Nope, I pretty much said the opposite. It's not the avg look that matters, it's the perception of others of your personality.

  • the simple fact is when you don't invest TOO much time/effort into your appearance (to the point where some people might call it vain or obsessive) you become more approachable. a girl who is a 10 out of 10 will get more looks, but a girl who is a 7 or 8 out of 10 will get more guys approaching her simply because being a 10 out of 10 and maintaining that status requires taking your grooming/appearance to levels that can only be described as obsessive or will make you come across as high maintenance. it's nice to look at, but says negative things about your personality.

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    • Im talking about both genders actually

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    • Sry, I mean to comment on the persons answer below you

    • haha its OK. in reference to your update, no, not below average. I would say the most likely to get approached are girls who are above average but not too far above average. remember, perfection is not natural, nothing in nature is truly perfect, and we want to see your flaws as much as your good points. so by making yourself try to seem perfect you're making yourself unapproachable.

What Girls Said 5

  • Maybe you just look more approachable? You say people are friendlier; you're going to relax and return the friendliness. It might be nothing to do with how you dressed and everything, it might have been more how you carried yourself? Generally speaking when we feel sexy we'll hold ourselves differently. By letting go you may have been more "their level"?

    I really don't mean to sound rude now, and bare in mind I've never met you, but do you have striking features? Make up on striking features is beautiful but it will give an air of dominance and therefore less approachable.

    We can only guess but those were a few of my thoughts :)

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    • I think you should look at it like this. Models are gorgeous, people love saying look at my model girl! But the more perfect you are the more intimidatingly good you are. It's not a bad thing you're just more prized.

  • You probably don't look 'bad' at all - just more relaxed. And people like relaxed people. I know when I'm look for a friend I couldn't care less if they were attractive or not, I'd care if they looked like they could have some fun, looked like they didn't worry about how they looked every two seconds, looked like they were chilled out and laid back.

    I'm not saying people who dress well and take care of themselves are stuck up.

    I'm just saying sometimes they can appear that way.

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    • wow, really...and after all these years I thought I was somewhat unattractive because people were rarely approaching me in the past...when I probably looked too high maintenance.

    • @lol no - I mean, different things attract different people. People who want to be your friends ... well they couldn't care less what you look like really. I'm not saying only shallow people are attracted to hot people- that's absurd.

      All I'm saying if people want to be friends, they want people who look like they can chill with.

      Sometimes your looks are the first thing to attract someone to you - sometimes their the last.

  • It just means that they don't think you are so shallow. People perceive us differently than we perceive ourselves and being really dressed up when they don't think you need to is probably considered snoody. If you are talking about guys, I find a lot of guys don't like girls who are too skinny or wear too much makeup. They might have thought you were high maintenance or a gold digger. Don't ask me why, but I am in a field where I am around a lot of guys and that's how they sum up a girl when she walks by.

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  • honestly girls who dress up are usually the kind who gossip and go to parties and are just complete bitches. ain't gonna lie

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    • especially if you wear ugh boots or tights. basically anything impractical or ugly...remember I'm being honest don't hit me lol

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    • Not really, some dress up for other practical reasons

    • im not saying I believe any of this I'm just imagining what could be true or what other people might or might not think...just food for thought

  • Less intimidating, hi maintenance, stuck up...

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