Breaking up with someone because of morals?

I'm a really good girl; I do great in school and I take advanced classes. I do dance team and I have a great friends and very strict parents. I've liked this guy for a while and out of the blue he told me he's been liking me. We talked for like two days and then decided to try dating. I probably wasn't ready to date him but I had a lot of pressure from friends and I knew that we needed to date to decide if each other is what we really wanted; and until then we would always have just wondered what it would be like to date. I don't regret my decision, but it already hasn't gone smoothly. He's two years older than me and doesn't make the best of decisions. He smokes, won't talk to my parents, has little self-respect in my eyes and presents himself poorly through Facebook and such. I know things won't work, and I can't even tell my mom we are dating. Him and I have been friends for a while but when we talked for a little bit a year ago, we stopped being friends for almost 5 months. I know I can't date him, and I want to give him time because its been less than a week, but even my friends agree its not right for him or me to stay with him in this situation. Normally Id say I don't care what people think, but I know I deserve way better. It's extremely hard for me to make decisions like this. I almost broke up with him yesterday and I tried to tell him that, but he manipulated the situation. I feel awful :( What is the best thing for me to do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Apparently you are under 18. Let's assume you are 18 on the dot. Now, that means he's 20. I don't think its the right course of action to discontinue things solely because of his internet presence, the fact that he smokes, and the fact that he won't talk to your parents.

    I only say this because of the lack of detail you've given us. A poor internet presence can mean all sorts of things. Does he post pictures of himself drunk constantly, partying all the time? Doing purely stupid and possibly dangerous things?

    When you say he has little self-respect, what does that mean? What constitutes having self-respect for you? Is it achievable? People have tendencies to set unrealistic standards for their others. Does he act like a thug, a pusher, a tough guy, when really, he's just an immature guy who has seemingly fallen for a seemingly mature girl? This happens all the time.

    I won't touch on smoking since that is purely personal preference. Even then, does he smoke near you fully knowing you dislike it? If not, and he moves away and at least chews some gum before talking to you, then it's not really an issue (unless you intend to be with him so long that you risk cancer from second hand smoke)

    As for the parents: You haven't specified any possible cultural issues here. Now, if there are none, then he may just be reluctant to meet the parents of his very new girlfriend so quickly. Men, as far as I have known them, connect parental meetings with a level of commitment they may be unsure of.

    Now, if there IS a cultural barrier, then he may simply be afraid of crossing it. A friend of mine, an Irish-canadian guy, who dated an Indian girl for the longest time and was simply afraid of meeting her parents because he knew the chances of them flat out rejecting him and punishing her would be too great. Realistically, he wouldn't be able to swoop in and take her away! Eventually when he did meet them, things took a major turn for the worse.

    It seems like I've written an essay when really all I mean to say is: think about every factor possible, think about what isn't said instead of just what is said. In the end, you're under 18. Statistically, there are millions upon millions of men in your age group within your area. Don't be stumped by one.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Do what makes you happy. You and him are completley opposite. Sometimes opposites attract. But their has to be something their to keep the relaitionship together and intact. I think it's good that you tried it out with him and tested the waters. And I agree you should try to find somebody more compatiabble to you and especialy a guy that will speak to your parents. The thing is if you are not happy happy with him then leave him and try to be friends with him. The only bad thing is that the breakup might messed up the friendship. But that is the wya things is sometimes. You seem like a very nice girl who deserves better.

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    • Thank you, I really appreciate that. I just feel we don't have too much in common, and yes I like him, but the things that are important to me, we can't relate with. Because we have different lifestyles, it's hard for me to spend time with him because I can't always be comfortable with what he does. Yes he is sweet to me, but he doesn't treat me the absolute best. And I decided to date him giving him the opportunity to show me what he can be or make of himself. And I just don't feel anything new

    • You are very welcome. I agree always keep your morals and what is important to you. And never change for nobody. If a guy likes you and can accept you for your beliefs then that is good. I still think it's good you tried it with this guy. Ad if he knows how you are he should at least try to change a little when you be around him to make you happy. I know you can't really chance a person's habit or their lifestyle.And what do you mean by you don't feel anything new?

  • One of the reasons you are breaking up with him is because you don't like his Facebook site? That is by far the most shallow thing I have ever heard. Have your father judge him. Women are terrible at judging men's morals. Terrible!

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    • You're the one being shallow. No I'm not judging my boyfriend based off of just a website. But do you not agree that the way one displays himself on the internet, especially to all of his friends, says a lot about who he is? One very important quality in a boyfriend to me is self-respect, and that is just one way he has shown to me he's kind of lacking it. And my dad actually has judged him, but thanks for your input. How am I supposed to be happy with someone I can not be totally and completely

    • Facebook is for beating off and making explicit jokes to friends. People are cowards on that site. They'll make an ass out of themselves at a party and have pics up only to take them off the next day. Do you know why I hate that site? Because a girl I liked I didn't kiss on the second date and afterward she put up three different pics of her kissing different boys. The site has become a weapon.

What Girls Said 2

  • RUN ! Never stay around person who manipulates you. You already know he is not right for you and it is going to end the same way whether it is today or a week from today. You need to just tell him that you jumped into it too quick and need to take a step back. Dragging it out brings the potential that you will be put in a position that you have to break up on bad terms instead.

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  • If you know it's not going to work, just save yourself from getting attached to him and tell him you just want to be friends.

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