I'm a really good girl; I do great in school and I take advanced classes. I do dance team and I have a great friends and very strict parents. I've liked this guy for a while and out of the blue he told me he's been liking me. We talked for like two days and then decided to try dating. I probably wasn't ready to date him but I had a lot of pressure from friends and I knew that we needed to date to decide if each other is what we really wanted; and until then we would always have just wondered what it would be like to date. I don't regret my decision, but it already hasn't gone smoothly. He's two years older than me and doesn't make the best of decisions. He smokes, won't talk to my parents, has little self-respect in my eyes and presents himself poorly through Facebook and such. I know things won't work, and I can't even tell my mom we are dating. Him and I have been friends for a while but when we talked for a little bit a year ago, we stopped being friends for almost 5 months. I know I can't date him, and I want to give him time because its been less than a week, but even my friends agree its not right for him or me to stay with him in this situation. Normally Id say I don't care what people think, but I know I deserve way better. It's extremely hard for me to make decisions like this. I almost broke up with him yesterday and I tried to tell him that, but he manipulated the situation. I feel awful :( What is the best thing for me to do?
Most Helpful Guy
Apparently you are under 18. Let's assume you are 18 on the dot. Now, that means he's 20. I don't think its the right course of action to discontinue things solely because of his internet presence, the fact that he smokes, and the fact that he won't talk to your parents.
I only say this because of the lack of detail you've given us. A poor internet presence can mean all sorts of things. Does he post pictures of himself drunk constantly, partying all the time? Doing purely stupid and possibly dangerous things?
When you say he has little self-respect, what does that mean? What constitutes having self-respect for you? Is it achievable? People have tendencies to set unrealistic standards for their others. Does he act like a thug, a pusher, a tough guy, when really, he's just an immature guy who has seemingly fallen for a seemingly mature girl? This happens all the time.
I won't touch on smoking since that is purely personal preference. Even then, does he smoke near you fully knowing you dislike it? If not, and he moves away and at least chews some gum before talking to you, then it's not really an issue (unless you intend to be with him so long that you risk cancer from second hand smoke)
As for the parents: You haven't specified any possible cultural issues here. Now, if there are none, then he may just be reluctant to meet the parents of his very new girlfriend so quickly. Men, as far as I have known them, connect parental meetings with a level of commitment they may be unsure of.
Now, if there IS a cultural barrier, then he may simply be afraid of crossing it. A friend of mine, an Irish-canadian guy, who dated an Indian girl for the longest time and was simply afraid of meeting her parents because he knew the chances of them flat out rejecting him and punishing her would be too great. Realistically, he wouldn't be able to swoop in and take her away! Eventually when he did meet them, things took a major turn for the worse.
It seems like I've written an essay when really all I mean to say is: think about every factor possible, think about what isn't said instead of just what is said. In the end, you're under 18. Statistically, there are millions upon millions of men in your age group within your area. Don't be stumped by one.0