Why the back up plans?

I've read a lot of questions along the lines of "Why do guys want to stay friends with exes after a break-up" or "Why doesn't he want me to move on even though he has" and the list goes on and on. Most of the answers have been "you're just a back-up plan". My question is why do guys keep girls around as back-up plans? Is it that as much as guys want to they can't move on or that they don't want to admit their hurt feelings?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I broke up with my girlfriend to pursue another girl and she was pretty devastated by what I did.. I asked if we could still be friends, but she said maybe in a couple months. At first I didn't feel anything, but now I sit in my room feeling super lonely wishing I had someone to talk on the phone with or fall asleep with... So I guess just having her as a friend helps us cope with our loss so it doesn't feel like they've completely left our lives and I do still miss her, but I know it's the company I miss.

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    • did you still have romantic feelings for your ex or is it that you told your self that its just the company you miss?

    • Yea I'm more than positive that it's just the company that I miss because when I'm talking to the other girl or out with friends she doesn't even cross my mind... The only time I catch myself thinking about my ex and when it really hurts is when I'm alone; then I remember all the times we spent together.

    • are you sure? even when I'm lonely I don't think of my ex.

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What Guys Said 3

  • this is why I don't date girl that have contact with exs, if I'm going to start something with somebody in a serious way, then call me selfish but I want them to be all mine

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  • They have an insecure feeling that they may go on a dry spell and be alone and not have anyone. They keep the x girlfriend in the picture so they can feel good about themselves just in case the new girl does not work out or if they cannot find another. That is not always true but that is the norm.

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    • lets say that the new girl doesn't work out, would their feelings for the first girl come back?

    • You either love someone or you do not. when or if they come back it is out of loneliness and desperation. That is just selfish to me.

    • I've been lucky with most of my exs because we've ended up being friends. I don't think either one of us kept the other one around as a back up plan, well, I know that I didn't.

  • Dont pin that crap on men. More woman keep in touch with exes and have back up plan BFs called "friends" then men do.

    Its the same reason as woman. They are selfish and don't care about the relationship they are in. So they have someone they can hook up with when they feel like screwing over who they are with.

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    • I'm aware that girls do that too. I'm friends with a lot of my ex and in no way are they my back up plan.

What Girls Said 1

  • because they don't want to be alone, also, having a back-up plan may allow for easily attainable sex.

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    • that makes a lot of sense. boys are so confussing. I'm sure girls do it to but I don't know any

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