Do you think our hearts have a quota for how many times it can be hurt before closing off to everything?

Question as above.

I had a crappy childhood and have no real connection to most of my family. I've been treated like sh*t by close friends and they've stomped on my heart., I've been disapoointed by men.

To be honest, I feel numb and can't really connect to anyone and I doubt it's going to change.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Every time you get hurt, you put another brick in the wall around your heart. It will take a conscious effort, maybe therapy, to break it down.

    Is it worth the effort? I couldn't say.

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What Guys Said 3

  • On one hand, yes, it's very painful to let yourself be vulnerable and then get hurt. We've all been there.

    On the other hand, you may be unknowingly increasing the odds of that happening by the choices that you're making. Due to your childhood and upbringing, you probably have a skewed sense of what a good, healthy relationship is (if you've never seen one, how would you know?), as well as difficultly picking out guys who are likely to be "good guys" and a good fit for you. It's not your fault that you didn't have healthy relationships around you to model yourself on, but that also doesn't mean that you can just keep doing what you've been doing because it's what you know and what you're comfortable with. It obviously isn't working, and that's not especially surprising to an outsider.

    Changing the way you think and behave is one of the hardest things to do. Just accepting the fact that such changes are necessary are very difficult for most people. It will take a lot of work and effort to make those changes, and you're likely to have a few regressions along the way.

    BUT... making those changes could be all the difference between continuing to be miserable as you are now, or being happy in the life that you've always wanted. Is it worth it? Only you can decide. But you have to ask yourself, is it "worth it" to go on the way things have been? Is changing SO HARD that you'd rather be lonely, unhappy, and miserable like you are now?

    Try to get some therapy (we all need help sometimes) and focus on recalibrating your sense of what a real relationship should be. Where are the boundries? What values are important? What kind of a future do you really want? Once you can figure out the answers to those questions, achieving them is going to be MUCH easier.

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    • I know what future I want, and if anything what I went through has helped me pick out a**holes from a mile away. I went through my whole live being blamed and taken advantage of, I know I'm not the problem the people were. I let the wrong people get close to me and got hurt. I'm wondering if I've reached the limit because right now I'm about ready to call it quits and go live alone under brigde or something.

  • Not to play any blame game but if you end up getting the same thing over and over in your life it is time to ask yourself why. You get hurt by others because you either have unrealistic expectations of others or that you don't stand up for yourself and let them treat you bad.

    Exploring the realm of unconditional love will work wonders for those with broken hearts.

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    • Or I get hurt because I trust a**holes who only want to use/take advantage of me. I think that's the only way it's my fault.

      I agree, unconditional love would work wonders.

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    • So it's my fault how others have treated me? I disagree, people have no way of knowing how someone will behave and if trust will be abused.

    • Like I said, it's not about whos fault it is and put blame on someone. It's just the simple fact that you always have the choice how you will react to the treatment you get and always have a choice of what treatment to accept and not.

  • Great question. I need to know as well

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