Debating a break up - need advice.

I've been dating my guy for 2 1/2 years now, and things are OK. Lately I find myself truly considering a break up, but I'm not so sure ...

My guy can be one of the most caring men I have ever met, I feel like he is more emotional than a lot of the guys I have dated. I know he would do anything for me, and I know he is really in love with me. On the other hand he can be somewhat immature, and I feel like we are at different points in our lives. I feel like I have so many goals and aspirations and he has none - or nothing concrete.

My problem is that I am so busy. I am 20 years old, working, playing a varsity sport, and taking a full course load. I feel like these are bigger priorities to me than my boyfriend. I feel like he doesn't think things like school are that important. We have also been dating the whole time I have been going to uni, so I have to admit I at least wonder if I am missing out on being single and getting to know myself by myself.

We only spend about a night a week together nowadays, and we usually just hang out at his house. Even though we aren't doing much, I have fun and enjoy my time with him, but a big issue is that I NEVER want to fool around. I just want to hangout. I am always so tired and sex is the last thing on my mind. I only do it for him, but barely enjoy myself at all and find my mind wandering. I am not attracted to him right now. It's not like he isn't good at it lol, I guess I'm just not into it.

I am so torn because I know I have a great guy here, who loves me, and I do love him, he is my first love. But being so busy makes me think that if we did break up, I may not miss him as much or may not be as hurt as I imagine.

It's not like we fight a lot over petty things, we never do, but I think it is because we barely ever see each other. The only thing that causes arguments is my lack of wanting to have sex and me not talking to him enough.

I feel like he has been so good about waiting for me, but I want to be honest. I wish we could take a break and I could consider how I feel alone, but I don't agree with "breaks". They are an excuse to have your cake and eat it too... I don't think that's right.

I just wish I knew how to talk to him about how I am feeling, because its not fair to leave him in the dark... but I don't want him to get super angry and have the whole thing blow up in my face.

Am I throwing away something special? Will I never do better?

Advice?


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  • I can understand why you don't like the idea of a "break", but if it is something that will help you clear your head and make a decision, then perhaps it's not a bad idea.

    As for talking to him... just tell him everything you said in this post (excluding the part about sex, perhaps... lol). I doubt he will get mad. You say he truly cares about you and loves you. I imagine he will only want to work things out with you and come to a decision that will leave you both satisfied.

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