Do you think it's impossible for someone to "truly" know you?

Let me explain what I mean. Say you experience an incredibly difficult and tragic thing in your life. Afterward you are left to pick up the pieces of your life and find yourself. During this processs, you meet some new friends. People who really get to see you during the most difficult time in your life. The relationship you develop with these new friends is so powerful, you truly love them and understand them. In turn, they also understand you. Afterward, you meet someone, who ends up becoming your partner in a committed relationship. Would you feel that this person who has entered your life after the fact can never "truly" know you like your friends can? Would it make you think "Why should I even try with this person when they will never truly know me"?

The reason I ask is because the person who went through something tragic is my current girlfriend, and she has been thinking these thoughts. It sounds to me like it's time for me to break up with her, as difficult as it will be, since she obviously, deep down, is not interested in even trying to make our relationship work. Or is it more complex than that?


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What Girls Said 2

  • I see it as...you never know when and which type of people are going to come into your life at times like that. I don't think it's fair for her to not want to make the relationship work because she feels as if u;ll never know the "true" her. She can express the "real her" to you if she really wanted to, and it's not like she knew exactly how she was going to act during her time of sadness, or that it was gonna be set of friends and not you who came into her world during that time. If it was the other way around (she met you while she was dealing with the situation, and not her friends)..would she not want to meet new people throughout her life, since she'd feel the only person who knew all of her was you? I don't think so. I hope that made sense lol because rele, I don't see the scenario as being THAT complicated

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    • This is what she blogged, word for word: "Anyone that met me after that time can never truly know me. I just don’t know how they could ever catch up. I don’t want anyone to feel left out, and I want to meet new people. But how could they possibly compare to the people already in my life? These people have known me at my worst and my best. Why start over with new people when they already know me so well?" What do you think?

    • still doesn't seem fair whatsoever...she's already eliminating people before she even gets to know them or show her "true" self with them. Can't rele meet new people with that mentality or build relationships...

  • Well it really depends on the circumstances and all..but part of life is moving on and realizing that you aren't only colored by your experiences. I've had obstacles, from what you say I am sure they aren't as rough as what your girlfriend had, but I think that sometimes when people go through hardships they change and grow into different and more mature people. Sometimes they are a bit tougher around the edges, or more cynical, but you know what, we are shaped by experience, myself included, and the next boyfriend I have will most probably not be someone I know now and he will know me in that future time, shaped by whatever has happened before. And you know what, part of a relationship is being able to talk openly. Even if you weren't there and have trouble understanding, if she can discuss it openly I'm sure you'll be able to understand her with good communication. Plus, if something tragic happened, I think it may be better and healthier to be with someone who wasn't a part of that sad experience.

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