How do I get positive and move on?

I feel pathetic. Its been 8 months since my boyfriend and I broke up, and I'm pretty sure (knowing him) that he's moved on and is doing well. While I'm sitting here still doing nothing. Oh, I've heard it all. Stop being so negative! Go out and make new friends! Do this. Do that. I'm even seeing a therapist and doing Oprah's lifeclass. And yet with so little positive in my life I can't seem to figure out what to do. My sister says every day "Stop putting all this energy into it. Stop giving him the power." And yet my life - that I thought would change for the better once I got rid of my ex (who had abused me and was, for the most part, a liar, and manipulator) that things would get better. That I'd finally DO something with my life. And yet, I'm sitting here ALONE on a Friday night. I have only a few friends, and they are busy with their lives, kids - and 2 of them live quite a distance from me. If I had a hobby, I would pursue it but I don't. I just don't want this hanging over me and yet I can't seem to shake it. I succeed - for only a moment - to think positive, then something will happen (like tonight when my friend canceled our plans) and I'm miserable and negative again. PLEASE HELP. Thank you.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Do you want to meet another guy, do you go out to places where singles frequent? There are plenty of sinlge guy's that want a single woman like you, if you're not out there how are they gonna find you?

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    • Sorry to sound even more pathetic, but the few friends I have - like the one I was *supposed* to go out with tonight - are busy with kids, married, or don't live that close. I won't go to a bar or restaurant alone. I have joined a few dating sites, but - ugh - is all I can say.

    • It's OK to go to a bar alone, go during happy hour and have a drink or soda. If you wanna go at night find an upscale bar with security outside and have them escort you to your car if don't feel safe. Just go have fun, life is short, and he'll find you!

What Girls Said 1

  • It must be hard, I can just imagine. Reading this makes me think of if my boyfriend and I were ever to break up. I'm the kind of person where if I find someone, I find someone for good. Though I can never be sure of the future I feel he is the one. I would be devastated if we were to break up. I have no one else besides him so I understand where you're coming from. Let yourself grieve and give yourself time. There are many people out there in the same position as you even though you may not think it. I'm sorry if I'm not much of a help but I thought I should write this anyway.

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    • Thank you. I appreciate it. I wrote something similiar (as you did) to a poster tonight as I was going through the same thing. I don't know why this is holding me in its grip. HE (the ex) was out at a bar he and I used to frequent, seeing a band he and *I* used to go to ALL the time with ANOTHER GIRL 6 WEEKS after we broke up. I had done everything for him (including saving him from going to jail) and yet I was expendable. I shouldn't be suffering (and alone) & yet I am. No words seem to free me

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