Falling in love after breakup?

After having a heartbreak, do you fall easily or you don't fall at all?

This question has been on my mind the whole day and I couldn't find an answer. I guess it's subjective and that's why I'm asking you GAGers :)

After having a heartbreak (being in a long and serious relationship with a person you loved very much), would you fall easily for another guy (who is very nice and loving) or would you be very cautious, less trusting and probably would push him away no matter how nice he is?

Some people would fall easily because they are deprived of love and need it badly and some wouldn't fall at all because they are afraid to get hurt once more.

How do you think of it? :)

Updates:
Ofcourse this question is for both guys AND girls to answer :) I apologize. It's 3:50 am here so I lack good focus :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well yeah. I guess it depends on the kind of crap you go through with your past relationships. I can start to like someone easily, but I've only fallen in love maybe three times, and I'm pretty sure this one is the be-all-end-all for me.

    Ok so, there are some people who snap into love right away, or they convince themselves of it, and that can sometimes be from just plain desperation, but those people are not in love. That is not love. I don't think it is. It's not real. It's fleeting. It's desire. It's sad. It's temporary, and will never last. I used to hop around from one girl to the next, and one bad relationship to the next, but I never convinced myself that it was love.

    So yeah, for me, love is special. I can't say I've ever nailed down a time for it, because I needed to actually be in love. It needed to be very special for me to love them.

    Now assuming you're not talking about real love, and just talking about liking someone, caring for someone, wanting someone, and dating someone, then that's an entirely different case. I've been burned alot, but I eventually date someone else. As to how close I get, or how much I let in is a different story, but it always takes courage to really do it. Still there are rules and guidelines to this sort of thing.

    I actually covered that once before on this site. ( link ) Maybe you can give it a read. Still, you need to decide this for yourself. Ultimately this depends on you and when you do think you're ready, you'll still need to be brave, and decide whether you're brave enough to try again.

    I wish you the best of luck with this.

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    • Great answer! It was really helpful. Thank you :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • After a break up I tend to be a little bit of both, but more leaning to the side of I don't fall at all. Its harder for me to truly fall in love with another person after a relationship. Usually after a break up I tend to isolate myself from others to get back in control of my emotions. Personally I hate being single more then anything but it has its ups but many downs. I notice that when I'm single I'm friendlier then before, so its possible for me to fall in love again. The last time I was single, I was truly heart broken, and I thought to myself that I will never love again, but a month later I'm falling heads over heels for my friend.

    Of course after each heartbreak, you get a little more cautious of any similar threads /actions that happened in the last relationship. I would act normally but I would keep my eye on anything suspicious. Everyone is different when it comes to fall back in love, I'm on the fence of both.

    I said this to a person today that those who fall in love are braver then those who don't, They don't fall in love/ or believe in love because they had their heart broken and assume it will happen again. To fall in love means to take a chance with your heart and soul, that is true courage in my opinion.

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    • You always know what to say :)

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    • "The last time I was single, I was truly heart broken, and I thought to myself that I will never love again, but a month later I'm falling heads over heels for my friend. " << that is exactly what happens to me. I think it's over. I'm not going to give my heart to anyone anymore then boom! ha ha how could you avoid falling in love?

    • lmao, yeah I didn't see it coming myself. My other friends kept claiming how we as friends would make a good couple, then my girlfriend at the time was thinking she liked me and I was the only person who didn't think so. Overtime, I realized how precious she was to me, and eventually began to appreciate her and the time I was able to spend with her. Love can happened at any place, anywhere, anytime, and with anyone.

  • Well, I'm a guy so if you would kindly substitute the word "girl" in there, I would be more cautious after a heartbreak. I'd rather be alone than with someone I wasn't sure I wanted to be with. Whenever I have a break-up, I try my best to improve so that the next relationship will be better than all of them before it :P

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    • I know, I know...but if a girl is so lovey-dovey, will you fall easily for her or will it take time?

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    • I would stop and think "Do I really like this person?", "Am I going to date them for the right reasons?", "Am I sure I want to be in another relationship so soon?", etc. If the answer to any of them was "no", I would ask the girl to wait. Nothing wrong with being friends for a little while, right? :P

    • Right :)

  • I take pride in being consistent mentally and emotionally. After being heartbroken, I vent until my voice gives out then sleep on it.

    As for the next girl, I won't let the previous relationship change the way I approach her. The same routines that worked before will be applied once more. It's important to give everyone a fair shot and also not make an irrational decisions (like fall hard for a girl just because I'm looking to rebound).

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  • Great question Sally;

    After when I had my 2nd break-up, I didn't think that I was going to find a girl that was going to be as good as my 2nd girlfriend, and I didn't think that I could find a girl that had a good heart and would do anything for me, like she did. But 3 months after the breakup, I meet a girl at a car repair shop, while waiting for my car to get fixed. I was still heartbroken and hurt over my ex, But I was really surprised at how she could sense that I had something on my mind. So I got her number and went out on our first date, and I told her the whole story, and I couldn't believe that I was quickly falling for her, more than I did with my ex. I guess it was because I was opening up and she just listened and didn't judge. So I am still with her today, and 3 years have passed since the break-up, and I still think about my ex sometimes, I miss her smile and her wanting me, but I figured out that true love comes with time and patience.

    So to answer your question, it is very possible to fall back in love again, you just have to be patient, and know deep down inside that the greatest things happen to people, when they least expect it.

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  • I'm very cautious. I've been 'burned' more times that I care to count and am more than willing to make sure I don't make the same mistake twice with who I fall for. Or at least I try.

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    • How could you prevent yourself from falling easily for someone?

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    • What do you think is the right way?

    • Pursuing them if you think they're right for you. Or if you think-or even feel that the feeling is more than mutual. That's the right way :)

  • Nope I would shut down

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  • I become emotionally closed off. Until I'm healed I can't fall for anyone. I have to settle the heartbreak and the issues surrounding it within myself before I can fall for anyone else. It's not about being afraid to get hurt again, it's just that I've got no love to give. It's all tied up in a knot that needs to be unwound first. During that time I can't take any girl serious, so those girls I might take serious I generally push away in favor of girls I have no intention of taking serious.

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    • Good logic :)

    • Doesn't have much to do with logic. It's pure emotion... When you give everything, there's just nothing left for anyone else until you reclaim it. It's not given easily, and it takes time to find it within me again.

      The girls I don't take serious would probably have trouble finding anything good about it... But whatever, I don't tell them otherwise...

    • "When you give everything, there's just nothing left for anyone else until you reclaim it. It's not given easily, and it takes time to find it within me again." << very true :)

What Girls Said 9

  • A little bit of both, really. Like going through my situation as you know, I'm getting over a big heartbreak. And I wasn't able for a little while to even think about another person in any kind of sexual or romantic way. But now I'm at the point where I'm able to flirt again and enjoy the interaction. At the same time though, when it comes to anything serious, or someone being a little TOO intense [in my eyes at this point in time, for myself], I would shut down because I'm hurting and I'm not ready to open up to anyone like that yet. Some flirtation is fine, I like the casual aspect of it, but I couldn't take it any further right now. I couldn't do a real sexual interaction, nor could I do anything serious romantically, not until I've done some healing.

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  • Well I will answer for when I was in this situation. After my divorce I was very vulnerable and I could fall very easy for someone but I was very cautious as well. I kind of got involved with someone but there was nothing physical. I fell for him very easily but when he asked me to marry him, I said no because I was very scared to get hurt again. It's been 8 years now and I can still fall very easy for someone but I am scared at the same time which is why I have been single ever since. Either way what happened has changed me and I will always be afraid and cautious. It is normal for someone to completely give up on love after getting hurt because they are scared and have trouble trusting someone but I will say that not all guys are bad so there is nothing wrong with trying again. You can still be careful and protect your heart and that's what someone should do anyways.

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    • Great answer :) Thank you.



  • Based on personal experience I don't fall easily anymore. In fact I firmly believe that no one man embodies the qualities I look . Call me cynical, pessimistic, etc. I have ran into too many dead ends. I've tried being logical, rational, idealistic, romantic in my approach to relationships only to be disappointed every time. It is all too much of mystery. I figure If I am smart enough to weed out the jerk and the players I am doing fine as for the rest it is anybodies guess. Having said that, I haven't given up on having a companionship and good friendship with men. I really hope at least I can have that some day. sure would be nice.

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  • Fark, this is a really good question :)

    I would fall much harder. I don't think I've ever had my heart BROKEN, but I was hurt incredibly deeply with my only serious boyfriend I've had. Part of it was my fault, but it killed a part of me. I've always been a little cold/closed off, but now I'm a bit worse - I really struggle to even find motivation to get close to someone. After my breakup I wanted to get myself used to being single again, and get over some of the issues I had as a result of how it happened. I'd say it took me about a year to do that. I went on two dates after that, and felt little to nothing - so I didn't pursue it. I don't NEED someone, so I am just living life and if someone comes along, then great. If not, I don't mind. I'm not going to be the type who takes whatever comes my way because I am afraid of being alone.

    I guess the answer is after a breakup I don't fall at all, or at least I'm a lot more cautious and won't fall until I find someone who I know won't let me hit the ground.

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  • I would fall in love again once I'm sure the other person has intentionally harmed me and that I truly deserve better. Once that is final then yes I would accept that my love for him was misplaced and I would move on after a while of recovery, 2 to 3 months in my case. I would move forward and never look back again. Once a man or a women has deceived me and took me for granted, I don't stick around.

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  • No. I am very guarded emotionally and physically after a break up. I put up a wall so thick that it takes months for it to come down again, it's my defensive mechanism. When I love someone, it's very deep and profound because I don't fall in love easily. I have only loved 3 guys in my lifetime. When the relationship ended, it took me a long long time to get over it and him.

    Once I am hurt and in pain, I cannot possibly fathom opening my heart or soul to someone else immediately. I am in a state of mourning more or less and I need that alone time to get over it. If I don't then I cannot honestly focus on someone new or consider opening myself up again.

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  • I find it difficult to fall after "heartbreak" although I don't believe I have ever truly experienced it.

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  • I think I'm a bit of both. I know that my one complete and utter heartbreak left me devastated for months on end but now that I'm over that, I'm definitely ready to fall again.

    I've dated a handful of guys since 'he who shall remain nameless' and I haven't been in love with a single one of them. I'll never love anyone so deeply again and I think that's a good thing. That kind of love made me too vulnerable. Now, I find it really hard to find lasting chemistry and interest in a guy on my end. I am afraid of getting hurt, sure, but the guys I've dated weren't worth getting involved with past a certain point.

    You know my situation right now, and it's slow going but it could pay off tremendously or just be another experience where I learn from it.

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  • I think I fall just as quick/slow as I did for my first love that broke my heart.

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