I broke up with my ex of 3 years back in May for many different reasons. Fighting, Money, Too Clingy, Etc. Since our break up, we have been in constant contact with each other on a regular bases and it has been good. Talk and spending time together, I still love her very much, as she loves me. Also since we have broken up, she has been asking for us to be back together. I kept telling her that I needed space to "find myself". During this time of searching of 7 months, I realized that I haven't been as happy since we actually broke up, and that I think about her more or more. Only recently have I actually realized how much I miss being in a relationship with her and want to give it another go.. The only problem is that in this same recent amount of time she has started hanging out with a guy friend from her work that she has admittedly said she has a "crush" on. At first I told her it was a great idea because she should get out there and have fun, and at the same time, I didn't realize that I wanted her back. I thought I was helping..
Now, she said she has only hung out with him 3 times, 2 times seeing a movie with him at the theatre "as friends", and the most recent time she had him over to her place to watch a movie.
So now I'm coming to her and saying that I'm ready to start working things out 1 on 1, and she is now telling me that she's confused and doesn't want to date anyone. She is happy being single and wants to live the single life to "find herself". Now you can call me jealous, which I am, but this isn't the reason why I am chasing her to be back with me. I don't know what to do. I never realized how jealous I actually was until this other guy turned up.
Now obviously with ever relationship and break up, its a huge complicated story.. and I really don't want to get into it. Basically we have known each other for close to 10 years and have spent a lot of those 10 years close together. I have never been cheated on her, but I have been 1 to lie. Some big some small. But none to ever hurt her. The thing with her is that she is afraid of me hurting her again with my petty lies, which I admit I need to stop, and am trying.. I know trust is everything in a relationship. But now I'm afraid of losing her or that I have already lost her. She tells me that I have her heart, I just need to show her that I can keep it and prove to her that I have changed. I just don't want to be used like a cheap toy, and working hard to show her how much of a better man that I can be while she has fun with this other guy..
I really don't know what I should do... I need some help here...
Most Helpful Girl
wow! it is eerie how much you sound like my ex! coming from a girl, repeatedly lied to by her boyfriend and wanting him back and then realizing how much I didn't want him back...i would say first you need to let her explore maybe having something with this boy. she herself said she wanted to be single, she gave you that chance and now in respect for her you need to let her do the same...i know it sucks to watch her walk off with someone else, it breaks your heart; the worst thing you could do though is force her into something she isn't healed from. "...which I admit I need to stop, and am trying..."-trying doesn't do anything. my ex "tried", and I'm sure you "tried" in the previous relationship. you either love her and do it or don't. I know this sounds harsh, but you have to realize, the hurt you've caused can't just be fixed by no more lies for 6 months it needs to be forever, not. one. more. single. lie. you're the guy that repeatedly lied to her. she is hurt and I can't express how much effort you need to put into her to get her back. start with just being nice, like you have...NO LIES, ABSOLUTELY NONE! do something sweet like apologize for all your previous lies, write them on pieces of paper and burn them with her/something like that. don't make moves, you wait for her. send flowers...chocolate, buy her her favorite cookies when you see them...out do yourself more than any of your past apologies for your previous lies and simply wait. you were the wrong one in all of this, you need to at least acknowledge that and make it seem like it. too clingy? your sure that wasn't because you were lying and she was worried ab what you were doing? you need to realize just because yall have taken a break none of those problems are just going to go away...don't just assume that. WHEN she is ready, have all those topics and have long, in-depth conversations about them and talk about what each of you were doing and if that problem is fixable. some things (like clinginess) people can't help, they are people persons maybe and you aren't. either way you can't walk back & expect open arms. work for her and she will POSSIBLY consider another chance. you've hurt her a lot, even after the break up, and you need to realize that and do the biggest best apology you will ever do in your life! scrapbooks, sing a song outside her window, dance in the rain, give her tickets to her favorite band, anything and everything you can think of...THEN apologize more than you even think necessary...if she doesn't come back I'm sorry, but I understand. I also realize to stop lying is hard, but the love for her should overwhelm the lies...every time you lie think of how much you're hurting her...you've put yourself in a pretty deep hole, and I hate to be the barer of bad news, I wish you all the luck in the world :) I realize this is a lot of work, you asked how to get her back. here you go...2