Is this relationship over?

So it is complicated, but I will try and be short. Lets call my guy Jim.

We were dating for almost four months when his suddenly dad died. He fell apart, and is lost in grief- very understandable. I was as patient as I could be, I supported him and listened, and was quiet when I needed to be. Jim has struggled with depression before, and although he had been fine while we dated, this threw him into a dark depression. It has been two months since his dad died.

The thing is, I have dated a decent amount of guys. I thought I loved a couple, but really didn't. But I really love Jim. We had been dating for four months, and not had one problem. We almost never fought. He wasn't just a boyfriend, but my best friend. I could be myself completely around him, and he understood me completely.

Anyway, two weeks ago Jim moved back home to be with his family. He went back and forth between wanting to break up and staying together for two weeks before he left. Basically, we broke up, but kept seeing each other. He left, and I assumed although we are broken up, we would still talk as we did not break up on bad terms.

He ignored me for a week, and when he finally did respond, I was very angry with him for ignoring me, and really hurt that he could ignore me while I felt like my world was ending without him here. I apologized over text a couple days after I yelled at him, and he called me and accepted my apology. He didn't say much. He said he couldn't get himself to get out of bed, that he was really depressed, which really has me worried. He said he missed me, and not just talking, just being with me and all that.

So basically, the issue is I am still in love with him. I thought he was "the one." When I was thinking about my future, he was in it. This terrible turn of events has split us apart, and we have both been stressed out and depressed. I am so scared to let him go, because I am afraid I won't find something like this again. I think he still loves me too. I am so confused, and I don't think I can let him go...but should I? Or should I pursue someone I think really is the person I want to marry?

If you got this far, thanks for reading, I appreciate your feedback.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hi. First of all, you should try to hold off thinking such serious things about him for the future. I know you may feel a certain way and it can be really intense, but the thing is you don't know what can happen. It seems like you both have feelings for each other and this tragic event is making things difficult, which is normal, and you seem to get it. The reason for the breaking up, arguments, and back and forth thing, all have to do with what? The distance between you two? Because of his current state, I would say to just be there for him as much as you can and as much as he'll let you. Show him you care. Him ignoring you seemed to be him being in a period of grief and depression. It wasn't against you. He has to take care of himself. So taking care of you will get difficult. I don't know. It's a lot to go through for sure. And if you're with someone, you want to go through it with them. You should probably tell him how you feel. Does he really want a break up? If he does, then let go. In any case, maybe be there for him when is possible. But make time for yourself also. Don't be consumed with it.

    • Yeah I think you are right. It is just hard because I want to be there, but he has been pushing me away because of what has happened. I don't think he wants to break up really...but right now he can't handle dealing with grief and a long distance relaionship. I am focusing on school and work so I am not crying every night now...but I still think about it a lot. He is coming to pick up the rest of his stuff from his apartment next week so I am nervous to see what will happen then :(

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  • Ask him up front if he wants to be back with you as a couple or as a friend.

    If he wants you as a couple give it time, give HIM time to get over it.

    If it's just friendship he wants you should better move on, other wise you'll end up pretty hurt.

    • I am just afraid that he does want to get back together...but it will take him a year to get over it...or he never will! So difficult to know what to do

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