Why does she give me the cold shoulder? When is enough enough...

Me and my girlfriend broke up 9 months ago( were together for 2 years), both decided that we were no longer love with each other, no fights, no drama.

She asked me for some time to cope with it all before seeing each other again as friends... That was 4 months ago.

I would love to remain good friends since we have been through a LOT together, we both helped each other trough some horrible times...

So here 's the dilemma, I sent her a letter to ask her if she would consider us being friends again since I had not heard from her for such a long time. but I never got an answer.

You must understand, I'm someone who likes closure, if she no longer wishes to have contact with me, why doesn't she just say so?

What should I do ? Just say I've tried plenty and forget about the whole thing, keep trying,... ?


Most Helpful Girl

  • if she got the letter and has decided not to contact you from this, maybe she is having a hard time with the thought of 'just being friends'. Maybe she didn't want to break up and just went along with what you said so she didn't look like a fool?

    Maybe she loved you so much that it would now be hard for her to be friends and discuss things like friends do i.e a new girlfriend you might want to see etc. It is VERY difficult for girls to remain friends with guys who they have shared such intimacy with. I think that you either want her back or don't contact her at all.

    • That's the thing, it was her who started talking about breaking up... I went with it because I hoped it was just a phase she was going through ( tough time with her grandfather passing away, master year at university,...:) after 2 months I asked her to try again, got a definite no ...

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Give her some more time, She's probably doing a lot of thinking and finding herself right now and doesn't want any outside influences messing her thought process up. She'll come around, in the mean time work on your self, enjoy life and move on. Don't rush it, I'm sure you too will speak again. Try calling her on a Holiday or a special date or event, try how that works.

  • She might have loved you more then she thought and she might be afraid that if she gets contact with you again she might fall back in love.

  • Maybe she loved you more than she thought? It might be harder for her to accept it?


What Guys Said 2

  • Try to realize that no matter what her intent, you're acting needy.

    Either you NEED to have resolution, or you NEED her approval / acceptance / friendship / response .. etc.

    This is all about you.

    What do you REALLY need? Likely nothing. You're probably self sufficient and perhaps slightly missing her company/companionship. If you're just lonely then reconnect with friends and family.. you don't need her to feel loved and accepted.

    The reality is that all you can do is be the best YOU.

    Sending her that letter was a pretty awesome show of respect and friendship but that doesn't mean she owes you anything.

    If she chooses to ignore you then it's time to let her go.

    Don't waste any more time worrying about her and focus more on who you are, your passions, your purpose, and the next woman worth getting to know.


    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

    • It's not that I'm lonely... It's not that I need anything from her exept for closure. I'm someone who has a tough time leaving friends behind. All I wish she would do was either say, let's try being friends or not, very simple. I know it's kinda sad that I can't just put it out of my head, but it's something I need to know before I can call it quits ;)

    • But what you're saying is that you NEED her to tell you how to feel. That's you being needy. That's you not being a man who decides for HIMSELF how to feel.

      Just feel sh*tty like the rest of us.

      You don't REALLY need her to still like you. It's OKAY if she hates your guys, and it's OKAY if you never know what she's thinking.

      All that matters now is that you learn how to take care of yourself, for yourself! :)

      I hope you feel better soon, break ups suck!

  • It could be that she just never received the letter in the first place...

    • I've been thinking about that, postal service in Belgium sucks ...

    • I'm from Belgium to. I would suggest that you just try to give her the letter in person or to someone who you 'both' know... because then you can be sure she will recieve it, and ofcourse read it.

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