Breaking up with my emotional and depressed girlfriend?

I've been with my girlfriend on and off for the last two years. We've been long distance for the last 18-months and it gets really difficult to see each other sometimes.

Lately she's become extremely depressed, she cries all the time and says very dark things, like she wants to go to sleep and not wake up, or like she just wants to leave and go somewhere and not tell anyone where she's going. She has also cut herself on more than one occasion.

She recently had a big falling out with her best friend, and she now doesn't really have any friends because of it. She relies completely on me for her happiness but I have my own problems at home which I never get to deal with because I'm too busy trying to help her.

She's talked about suicide to me before, which is really upsetting, but she doesn't seem to want professional help. She just wants me to make her happy.

But I'm sick of all the pressure, how depressed she is constantly brings me down and I always feel totally responsible for her.

I've been thinking of breaking up with her and telling her parents about her mental state. I'm the only person who knows how depressed she really is as she won't open up to anyone else.

I don't want this to happen, but I don't see any other way around it any more, I think she'd be better off without me.

Any advice would be much appreciated


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Do NOT dump her until you are SURE she is getting some help!

    Definitely tell her parents (and her best friend too), make sure she is getting the help she needs, THEN tell her that you think it would be best for her (not that she's been all depressed downer bitch lately) to be able to focus on herself and making herself happy. Please, please, please be gentle! I only say don't dump her til you are sure because that could be the thing that pushes her over the edge, so just be very gentle & make sure she is getting help.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I totally understand--that's a really rough situation to be in, but you can't be responsible for her mental state. I think you should talk to her about seeking outside help before suggesting a breakup, see how she takes to the idea, then proceed with ending it and telling her parents if she isn't likely to find other help on her own.

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  • hmm I think you should talk to her parents they will know what to do, and as for you since you don't like her just brake up with her, but be a friend and stand by her side through the difficult situation since you are her main happyness

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  • Don't leave her..

    I'm not saying this like I don't care what you fell. It's hard for you, but it's harder for her. Specially if you leave. If you loved her at her best, why not love her at her worst?

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  • Why are men always breaking up with depressed women? Sounds like bull because you're too much of a p**** to just tell her straight, typical man.

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    • dude... just... no.

    • Oh puh-lease! Men need to buck the f*** up, and stop beating about the bush inflating their pathetic ego's.

What Guys Said 1

  • My last relationship was like that, including the suicide attempts. While it is good if you can help someone, you have to look after yourself first. Trying to help and failing can make the guy too depressed and suicidal too, and you don't want that. I feel that most people who are depressed don't just have chemical imbalances as the cause, but rather stuff has happened in their life to beat them down, physically or emotionally or both. I'm sorry girls but there has to be a limit to the amount of emotional baggage you make the boyfriend carry for you.

    My Advice to guys in this situation:

    Find out who it was in her past that has affected her, and then find other support people or groups for her. Getting her to talk to them won't happen straight away either, but she needs the help.

    When my ex went to a support group she found out that quite a few of them had overly controlling mothers who abused them mentally. Quite a few also had physically or sexually abusive males in their lives as well. Growing up with parents who abuse you all the time, will beat most people down and make them depressed, and some suicidal. The extra down side to this is they will often be drawn to dating guys who also abuse them, and this just reinforces their belief that they are worthless, stupid, trash, etc and deserve the miserable treatment.

    With my ex we got to the stage of having screaming matches 2/3 nights, but because she was also an alcoholic she would only remember 1/10 fights so come the morning she'd usually have forgotten the fight completely. Her forgetting might sound good, but it's not, it just makes the fights worse. Also from my point of view most of the fights were based on her drunken irrational thoughts. Because neither of us was in a position logistically to be able to move out, we stayed living together after our break-up. Because of this it actually took 3 nights to break up as she'd forgotten the first 2 times.

    If you stay in a miserable relationship you aren't doing her much good either, because if you are miserable you'll be making her more so, and vice-versa in a viscous cycle. So you may be an enabler for her misery, and breaking up with her may give her the push she needs to get the help she needs, possibly from the groups you've pointed out for her.

    ps. now I see this post is 7 months old after all that typing, so I'm still posting.

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