Advice on leaving my boyfriend?

My boyfriend is just too needy and wants for me to make him the center of my life. He calls me nonstop and CONSTANTLY is questioning my feelings for him which has made them dwindle. He's a really nice guy and I'd like to maintain a friendship with him but I can't deal with him as a boyfriend. He is sloppy and doesn't have hygiene on par with mine. I did his laundry and food poop stains in like ALL of his underwear. WTF? He's a grown man. He lives off disability checks and money his mom gets him. He has no job and isn't pursuing and scholastic goals. He's just not going where I want to go. He doesn't even own a car and rather spend $200 on video games than save up for one. I'll come home from work or school and he's just sitting there, just waking up or playing games. Hasn't tried to find a job, to look into school, to do anything except work out. He lost A LOT of weight but to me, if you're grown and the main thing you want to do in life is get muscular you need to grow up.

I met a new guy who is me my speed and has goals and a lifestyle I can mesh with. We're just talking but I'm asking on a moral but also keeping in mind that it might not go anywhere note, some advice on what to do? Should I just leave my boyfriend right now when I'm just interested in this guy or should I wait it out and see if it's going to go anywhere. I know it's kind of wrong but on the same note I'm so pissed at my boyfriend that I don't care. He's put me through so much drama and whenever something doesn't go his way he'd threaten me with breaking up etc. so idk.

Also, if I really start dating this guy should I tell him I have a boyfriend or tell him I'm just leaving my boyfriend? I've never been in this position before and I'm really confused.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Perhaps you leaving this guy is the slap in the face he needs to grow up, or get motivated. I think your making this whole ordeal much bigger than it actually is. You want out, that's all there is to it. I don't care about another guy getting your interest or all the reasonings you have for leaving. If you feel drawn to leave then obviously it's what you have to do for yourself.

    As far as what's right yes you should break up with one guy before you get serious with another... But that's just ethics, anyone who preaches them usually has no right to be preaching in the first place lol If you believe in kharma it's probably a good thing to break off one realtionship before starting another. Hope you find your answers, good luck

    • I do believe in karma and you're right. I think I'm complicating things because I do like the guy, but he's not right for me at all. If anything he taught me everything I DO NOT want.

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What Guys Said 4

  • How long have you been with this current guy? Before you go into a relationship with this new guy, you ought to break up with the current one. Guys like your boyfriend don't change overnight. If you do want to "wait it out and see if it's going to go anywhere", you will have to have a LOT of patience.

    • Just a month. It wouldn't be so bad to wait for change or help him out but then he's got all this depression, anxiety, he needs meds for sleeping, he has tourettes, he pill pops for EVERYTHING, and there is always something wrong with him. Like he complains to try to get sympathy from me when it does just the opposite. His personality on top of not doing anything with his life makes him a lost cause pretty much.

    • He needs professional help. These are things that you can't help him deal with. It is going to drag you down and you don't want that.

    • You're right.

  • Break up with him BEFORE you start pursuing this other guy. Regardless of whether this other situation pans out, you should move on from your current guy. And be honest with the new guy about breaking up with your current boyfriend should it come up. And last, make sure the break is a clean break. If you try to remain friends when he's still attached, that could compromise any new relationship down the road.

    • So, I can't be his friend? Why not?

    • I'd avoid it for a while. At least until he's over you. Otherwise, its just going to drag his feelings through the mud. He might be a freeloading loser, but he's still owed that basic respect.

    • I think in most cases two normal people can break things off, and be friends later on. Alt hit it right on the head here this guy will not let it go. If the person that breaks things off faulters or wavers in any way shape or form typically the other person see's it as them being wanted back, regardless of what you do

  • Leave your boyfriend, its over with him.

  • you should tell him all these things. and give him a chance to change. after all he is your boyfriend. then if he doesn't, you should break up with him. its best to communicate all these feelings towards the negative things he does. everyone deserves the chance to better themselves first.


What Girls Said 1

  • First of all, its obvious that you don't love your boyfriend with all the complaining you are doing about him. I'm not even sure how much you like him either, because you don't like a lot of the things he does, which is part of who he is (and people don't just change) and you also complained that he is over weight which makes me think that you aren't that attracted to him either.

    That being said, what are you hanging onto the relationship for?

    Secondly, you asked if you should wait to leave him to see if things work out with this other guy...that is a very selfish way of thinking and seems to be needy on your part. Can't you end a relationship you are not happy in and just be single? The issue shouldn't be about you and this new guy...if you don't love your current boyfriend, then let him go...don't hold on out of selfishness.

    If you break up with him and are still talking with this new guy, and things work out then great...but don't bank on it. Enjoy being single, patience is key to finding the right guy. Instead of ending up in a relationship that is just going in a circle, like your current one.

    As for your last question, obviously if you start dating this new guy...break up with your boyfriend first! Unless you want to be untrustworthy to anyone and known as a cheater.

    So bottom line, if you don't love your boyfriend...break it off and then you can do what you want without the worries.

    FYI Remember love is giving, not receiving.

    • Well, I said right there that I don't love him. I've only been dating him for a month. He started up with all the "love" stuff and if I don't say it back he basically freaks out on me and won't leave me alone by wanting to discuss everything for 3 hours until I just feel like jumping off of something. I've never met someone so exasperating. I don't want to just drop it off because I would still like to be his friend, but a few times he said stuff (jokingly but in a weird way) like he'd would

    • throw a rock through my window or kill himself and bunch of other stuff. It's like I don't want to break up until it's absolutely necessary. Or until I have another guy around to at least keep him away.

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