Complicated living situation, any advice to offer?

I'm currently living with my ex (who I don't love anymore and am not dating; we tried for 5-6 years but kept ending up at a dead end ) and his family but haven't moved out(I have limits on how many hours I can work because of school) because I don't have enough money to support or even rent a place for myself. I don't have any family members to rely on and a home to call MY HOME. There is this guy that I spend time with at school and I'll admit it, I like him and I know he is interested in me except I'm afraid of even being his friend because if my ex finds out...I don't want him to get hurt. If anything happens I would feel so guilty...

My ex "loves" me and tries to "show" how much he cares by buying me things like clothes, food, etc and trying to be attentive when there are issues or if we fight; he cheated on me for 2 years and "tries" not to get angry when I don't invite him out anywhere with other people(extremely jealous when I talk to other guys and ends up angry anyway). He always accuses me of doing something or is asking who I was with and even though I see his family as mine I don't really believe that they see me like that because they choose his words over mine. I'll tell his mom to not say anything to him(like if I'm going out within the next couple days to hang out with my friends and have a drink or go for a long walk to vent or have fun) because I know he'll get mad but she does anyway even though she claims that she isn't choosing sides. Another example is when he cheated on me and his mom said it isn't his fault soley - its mine too.

I don't feel happy anymore and think about suicide sometimes because I feel like I'm in a dark hole and can't get out; when I am in a good mood he does something to make me feel like crap (Ie, silent treatment and usually something passed rudely to me aka thrown which is usually half the time when he is pissed...). I feel empty,angry and/or depressed when I look at him which is why I avoid him all the time. I know love is about forgiveness but I can't forgive him and what has happened...I am not saying it is just his fault. I know I have my own issues and am working on fixing them so I probably shouldn't be interested in anyone considering my situation(complicated) but is it really wrong to want to be happy and have friends that are of the opposite gender? Any advice is appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this...

Note: I can't talk to my biological family because they hate me, they think that I screwed up and am not their child. I didn't screw up I just didn't end up how they wanted me to end up - as a housewife taking care of my younger siblings and then getting married and following my mom's footsteps of being marrired to a man like that. My parents have a abusive relationship so that's why I moved out. His thoughts are his thoughts, her thoughts are his thoughts...


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What Guys Said 1

  • You have some tough choices ahead of you..

    You at least realized that you can't stay where you are as your just ending up miserable in your situation, you need to get out of that house and find another place to live and pretty much anything will be better then where you are at this point.

    You don't have any family members to rely on you say, are you absolutely certain of that? Siblings, aunt, parents, grandparents, there isn't anyone where you could stay for a while?

    Have you concidered talking to (female) friends about your situation and asking them for help? Yes I know, its not ideal and not entirely conventional but if they are your friends, they'll understand your situation and at least try to help you out in one way or another.

    Student housing?

    Its fine for someone to want friends of the opposite gender, isn't anything wrong with that and your ex needs to understand that, concidering he doesn't he's just a selfish brat.

    It isn't his fault that he cheated? Are you kidding me? who's fault is it exactly? Its his fault and that's that, if his mother isn't smart enough to realize that, I guess that says enough about her being blind towards any form of truth about her child aswell.

    Quite frankly, you don't have to tell HIS mom what your doing with your life, you have no obligation to that. You can say that you'll be out that evening without mentioning specifics so she doesn't wait up or whatever but besides that you have 0 obligation towards her as she clearly isn't neutral in the subject.

    • Yes, I am sure that I don't have family to rely on because I haven't talked to them for...6 years. They were the only family I had. No one has a thought or opinion in that house, only my dad and his opinion is everyones.The only family I have here is the one that doesn't like me and doesn't care if I died. I've asked my friends for help but they don't have the resources/ place to let me stay because they already have roomies. I used to blame myself for him cheating but not anymore = sad = no thinking

    • Well untill last year, I hadn't spoken to either of my parents in roughly 4 years either...

      They weren't thrilled to see me again or anything but they did offer me a place to stay untill I could afford my own place again, regardless of how bad it goes between family, it does stay family and even at this point, we are speaking again...

    • Yeah,I went down that road of trying to get them to help me out...They gave me conditions that: a) I won't smoke b)won't go out c)have no friends(especially no boyfriends) d)come home right after school and do housework and take care of the kids. :/ So...pretty much fulfill my duty as a soon-to-be wife to some foreigner in vietnam because education isn't something that everyone should have, only men because they are the supports to the family. Because of this he thinks that men can treat woman horribly.

What Girls Said 1

  • im sorry:/ I think you need to get out of this situation, maybe call your mom? if you two are in a fight or something this is a good time to settle it and try to build your relationship with her, if you don't have a job, get one and just save money, to be independent one day. Life sucks but just take it one day at a time, relax, breathe, things aren't as bad as they seem, things will get better, just be patient. hold in there

    • I can't build my relationship with her unless I deal with my dad(who I hate with a passion). When I was 16 he was serious about sending me over to vietnam and marrying a guy so I can bring him back to CA. I refused. He's like: You don't do anything in life,go to vietnam & learn how to do nails. You make a lot of money. Plus, I'd rather not go that way...I've tried and each time I do I'm scared. Its like my throat is clogging up and I can't speak because even if I do its: How dare you back talk!

    • Show All
    • I don't think I'll be able to...the conditions they gave me make me feel...isolated and alone(they are in the comment above). And even if I did offer to pay for the bills they wouldn't want my money, they want me to obey them. They are very controlling. >_<

    • you rather commit suicide than work it out? of course they want you to obey what they say, they're your parents, they brought you into this world, you don't have to be best friends but respect them. You are already living in a situation where you are dependent on a man. So there isn't much of a difference from what they want and where you are now...

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