How to break up long distance?

Kind of a bummer topic I know and pretty cliche but I'd appreciate input from girls and guys.

I've been in a long distance relationship for about almost two years now ever since my boyfriends family moved south. We're thousands of miles apart and frankly it's pretty amazing we made it this long. But lately we've started to drift apart...I can definitely tell and feel a difference though I'm not really sure he's noticed.

I'm just not satisfied and happy with us anymore...he's SO far away and our conversations (well really our whole relationship) went from happy and intimate and fun and something to look forward to to strained and dull and impersonal. We don't talk nearly as much and when we do it's either really disappointing or trivial. I've been thinking of breaking up for a while now; we've always been so close though (we were good friends before we got into a relationship) and I know that this is still going to feel out of the blue for him and regardless of how downhill our relationship has gone I don't ever want to hurt him.

So how do I do it? We can't do it face to face. Call? Text? Email/Internet?

I know text/internet seem kind of cold but IDK. We've been pretty distant lately. I'd almost feel weird asking him to call.

Any ideas on how to do it? And how to spare him as much hurt as possible?



Most Helpful Guy

  • if you haven't been chatting and a Skype break up isn't possible send an email saying you want to break up and explaining why. Just explain about the distance or he may think you have cheated or are interested in someone else and be hurt by that.

    • As a guy would that be the best option on the receiving end in your opinion? I don't want to add additional hurt by making him think I don't care enough. Then again a phone call could just be full of a lot of awkward/painful silence. Whole situation blows...

    • Show All
    • Thanks lol really appreciate this.

    • no worries been in the same boat haha

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Write him an email and explain how you feel, but tell him that you'll talk with him about it if he wants to call you. Make it clear that the distance and being apart is just too much, and both of you are wasting your lives and missing out by not being able to be physically close to someone. It will hurt, but at least he'll know WHY you are breaking up, and it won't be because you don't like him or anything.

    The only thing is, you'll have to stand your ground, and not let him try to talk you out of it, which he may well try to do.

    Good luck, and be smarter in the future and don't let yourself get into LDRs, because this is almost always how they end.

    • That's a great idea actually...thank you.

      And I will. I'm decided...only procrastinating because it still hurts a lot and he's on vacation at the moment. I think I really knew two days ago...I'm a singer and I'm going on tour in a 6 months and one of our shows is an hour and a half from him. Thought maybe I'd be able to see him and that it would help.

      When I told him though he was pretty indifferent. That hurt.

      And I'll definitely remember that...don't think I'll make this mistake twice.

  • He no doubt feels much the same way, and also hesitates to break up because of yur feelings.

    I'd just ask him, 'Do you think we should stop pretending? Nothing to be angry about, but it's just too long to be apart and together at the same time.'

    He'll almost certainly say he's been thinking the same way

    • Thanks lol not sure what's worse...if he agrees or doesn't. Either way you probably have a point.

    • Shouldn't I get best answer then?

    • Everyone who commented on this qualifies for best answer but I already gave it to someone who answered the day I posted it. Sorry :/ you definitely had great advice though.

  • why can you not do this face to face? And this will not be out of the blue for he. likely he knows this is coming to some extent.

    • He's in florida. I'm in ohio. It's just not possible. And I hope it's not. I've been giving him a lot of space.

What Girls Said 4

  • I would say send him a long sweet I can't deal with the distance anymore email. And then text him and ask him to read the email please.

    You have to explain the reasons why you are ending this and how the only reason is the distance and perhaps if he was there things would have still been great between you two but you are exhausted and tired of feeling lonely...

    Ask him if he has any other solution other than this to make him feel like its not him its only thr distance maybe he can move back or something I don't know..

    Long distance suck... But it can work sometimes if its worth it =)

    • I probably will do just that. And I am tired of being lonely and worrying and doubting and just's exhausting. And sad because our relationship used to really be worth the distance.'s just different. Thanks though...appreciate the advice.

  • I was in a long distance relationship 2 years ago, it was horrible but I'm glad you lasted this long! anyways I completely understand what you're going through and how you feel. I broke up with my ex because I knew with out asking him, he was cheating on me but it just didn't feel the same and I wasn't happy regardless how hard I tried to be happy, which you shouldn't do because you tend to become hurt. I say before you do that move, talk to him and ask what's been up with him. If he begins to just deny everything then deny the relationship because that's how it feels. I say call him and if you have Facebook where you can use the Skype there then that would be better that way if you or he's says something, there won't be any misunderstandings... but I say internet if that's what suits you better. goodluck and tell me how it goes girl!

    • Glad to know I'm not the only one; though I'm sure it sucked for you :/ but you pretty much just said exactly how I feel...I've been trying so hard because I do love and care about him...but I'm just not happy anymore. He can't Skype so it'll most likely be done online unfortunately :/ Thanks...hope it goes somewhat smoothly.

  • well you should always try to be as honest as possible with your feelings about things that are going on and how you feel. So if you feel the need to break up, then do so... I think maybe Skype is the best way, because you will be able to see each other when doing so.

    just tell how you feel and get your feelings out there...

    i get that you don't want to hurt him, but sometimes you need time alone to jjust think and figure out what you want!

  • Skype, that way it is face to face

    • Can't Skype. He doesn't have a cam...would be kind of sh*tty if I suggested he go get one then use it to dump him with :/

    • yeah :/ well, I guess the best way to break up would be through the way you communicate the most through

    • Yeah...that pretty much leaves text/online. Ughh...he was my first love too. Just sucks is all. Thanks for the input though. I appreciate it.